Dallas, TX. July 2, 2000. Copyright HNS (Hubbard News Services, LLC). For immediate release to all staff at all orgs and missions worldwide, and to alt.religion.scientology.
NASA today annouced that extremely high resolution images sent back from Mars by the Martian Orbiter satellite have revealed surface structures that correspond to descriptions of thetan implant stations given by L. Ron Hubbard.
According to Tam O'Shanter, NASA spokesperson, the photographs transmitted back from the Mars orbiter clearly show low lying hemispherical buildings with corrugated metal roofs that closely resemble 1940's era Quonset huts. These buildings are set against a high, waterworn cliff. Several landing strips have been identified on the neighboring plain and craft that appear to be space going DC-8's or DC'9's can be seen landing and taking off.
NASA has released ultra high resolution images of the buildings that resolve details down to a few score centimeters. Visible on the new images are long lines of some kind of beings outside the entrances to the buildings. Banners over the doorways read "Xenu Loves the New You". O'Shanter, who could not explain who Xenu was, told spellbound reporters that sequential images show these beings as they are pushed into the buildings by 7 foot tall uniformed reptiles. Flashes similar to United States Army patches can actually be made out on the retiles' uniforms. Some seem to say "5th Invasion Fleet", others "Marcabian Army". According to O'Shanter, shortly after a being enters one of the buildings a bright flash of light can be seen through the window openings.
Right after that, the being appears to be led out of the back of the building, loaded onto a surface transport that resembles a steam locomotive, and carrried out to one of the landing strips.
There, O'Shanter reports that the images clearly show rows of these same beings standing rigidly as if they had been frozen in blocks of ice. After a long line of frozen beings accumulates, other reptiles can be seen loading them into the DC-8's which thereupon take off at a very high rate of speed. Where these space planes go is unknown, O'Shanter stated.
"We are very excited at these new findings", O'Shanter said.
"They appear to bear out the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology, who claimed to have actually travelled to Mars and seen these stations in operation. Most people thought Hubbard was a madman, but these new images prove he was right all along."
Scientology spokesman Heebie Jeebie issued a statement on hearing the news. Said Jeebie, who spoke before a crowd of adoring parishoners, "Scientology has more truth in it than anything else. All the critics of scientology are criminals. We will win.
All wogs will be quarantined."
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"The court record is replete with evidence that Scientology is nothing in reality but a vast enterprise to extract the maximum amount of money from its adepts by pseudo scientific theories... and to exercise a kind of blackmail against persons who do not wish to continue with their sect...The organization clearly is schizophrenic and paranoid, and this bizarre combination seems to be a reflection of its founder, L.Ron Hubbard." --- Judge Paul Breckenridge, Los Angeles Superior Court