** LYING IS OFFICIAL CULT POLICY **
Contents and commentary:
Part 1: L Ron Hubbard explains that the only way you can control people is to lie to them. Ask others - does the cult really believe and follow this advice?
Part 2: L Ron Hubbard issues a policy which says that a declared enemy is "FAIR GAME", may be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed.
Ask others - Does the cult have an official enemies list?
Part 3: L Ron Hubbard issues a policy that declaring people FAIR GAME will cease. However, it explicitly does not change the treatment or handling of such people. Therefore, it retracts the term "FAIR GAME" but does not retract the POLICY that a declared enemy may be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed. Ask others - Is this now-unnamed policy still in use today, and is it legal?
Part 4: Official cult training materials on how to lie, to handle reporters, suppressive persons and others. Ask others - Do some cult members really take these courses?
Part 5: L Ron Hubbard says why he does not want the cult to be mentioned in the press other than on the religion page. Ask others - Why is the cult afraid of that kind of publicity?
Part 6: Exerpt from "The Road to Xenu" by Margery Wakefield describing an all-too-common scene for someone who has been trapped by the cult. Ask others - Is this a true story? How often do parental and spousal "disconnects" happen?
Some religion, eh? Perhaps you find this material hard to believe.
I know I did when I first saw it. A lot of things about the cult are hard to believe - at first. The cult has many techniques -designed to handle its critics, and to keep others in the dark about the true nature of its bait (dianetics, the "modern science of mental health") and switch (scientology, you are being controlled by aliens which must be exorcised) scam.
Don't let the cult "handle" you. Don't let a lone anonymous message tell you what to think, either. ASK OTHERS. Wade through some messages here, and check out some Web pages. You will be amazed! When you feel you've found the truth about the cult, tell others what you learned.
Seek the truth, Uhh Clem
= = = = = = PART 1 = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
ON CONTROL AND LYING ____________________
THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN CONTROL PEOPLE IS TO LIE TO THEM. You can write that down in your book in great big letters. The only way you can control anybody is to lie to them. When you find an individual is lying to you, you know that the individual is trying to control you. One way or another this individual is trying to control you. That is the mechanism of control. This individual is lying to you because he is trying to control you - because if they give you enough misinformation they will pull you down the tone scale so that they can control you. Conversely, if you see an impulse on the part of a human being to control you, you know very well that that human being is lying to you. Not "is going to", but "is" lying to you.
[last sentence underlined in original]
Check these facts, you will find they are always true. That person who is trying to control you is lying to you. He's got to tell you lies in order to continue control, because the second you start telling anybody close to the truth, you start releasing him and he gets tougher and tougher to control. So, you cant control somebody without telling them a bunch of lies. You will find that very often Command has this as its greatest weakness. It will try to control instead of leading. The next thing you know, it is lying to the [illegible]. Lie, lie, lie, and it gets worse and worse, and all of a sudden the thing blows up. Well, religion has done this.
[Following sentence is underlined] Organised religion tries to control, so therefore must be lying. [end underline] After a while it figures out (even itself) that it is lying, and then it starts down tone scale further and further, and all of a sudden people get down along this spring-like bottom (heresy) and say, "Are we going into apathy and die, or are we going to revolt?"
and they revolt, because you can only lie to people so long.
Unfortunately there is always a new cycle of lying.
L. Ron Hubbard Technique 88
= = = = = = PART 2 = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
HUBBARD COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE Saint Hill Manor, East Grinstead, Sussex Remimeo HCO Policy Letter of 18 October 1967 Issue IV
PENALTIES FOR LOWER CONDITIONS (Applies both Orgs and Sea Org)
LIABILITY Suspension of pay and a dirty grey rag on left arm and day and night confinement to org premises.
TREASON Suspension of pay and deprivation of all uniforms and insignia, a black mark on left cheek and confinement on org premises or dismissal from post and debarment from premises.
DOUBT Debarment from premises. Not to be employed. Payment of fine amounting to any sum may have cost org. Not to be trained or processed. Not to be communicated or argued with.
ENEMY SP Order. Fair game. May be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist. May be tricked, sued or lied to or destroyed.
LRH:jp L. RON HUBBARD Copyright (c) 1967 Founder by L. Ron Hubbard ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
= = = = = = PART 3 = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
HUBBARD COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE Saint Hill Manor, East Grinstead, Sussex Remimeo HCO Policy Letter of 21 October 1968
CANCELLATION OF FAIR GAME
The practice of declaring people FAIR GAME will cease. FAIR GAME may not appear on any Ethics Order. It causes bad public relations.
This P/L does not cancel any policy on the treatment or handling of an SP.
LRH:ci:cden L. RON HUBBARD Copyright (c) 1968 Founder by L. Ron Hubbard ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
= = = = = = PART 4 = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
INTELLIGENCE SPECIALIST TRAINING ROUTINE - TR L
Purpose: To train the student to give a false statement with good TR-1.
To train the student to outflow false data effectively.
Position: Same as TR-1.
Commands: Part 1 "Tell me a lie". Command given by coach.
Part 2 interview type 2 WC by coach.
Training Stress: In Part 1 coach gives command, student originates a falsehood. Coach flunks for out TR 1 or TR 0. In Part 2 coach asks questions of the student on his background or a subject. Student gives untrue data of a plausible sort that the student backs up with further explanatory data upon the coach asking further questions. The coach flunks for out TR 0 and TR 1, and for student fumbling on question answers. The student should be coached on a gradient until he/she can lie facilely.
Coach: Where do you come from?
Student: I come from the Housewives Committee on Drug Abuse.
Coach: But you said earlier that you were single.
Student: Well, actually I was married but am divorced. I have 2 kids in the suburbs where I am a housewife, in fact I'm a member of the P.T.A.
Coach: What town is it that you live in?
Student: West Brighton.
Coach: But there is no public school in West Brighton.
Student: I know, I send my children to school in Brighton, and that's where I'm a P.T.A. member.
Coach: Oh, and who is the Chairman there?
B O A R D T E C H N I C A L B U L L E T I N
OF 10 DECEMBER 1969 REISSUED AS BTB 21 JUNE 1975
CANCELS HCO Bulletin of 10 DECEMBER 1969 SAME TITLE
PRO COURSE Not for distribution
1. Answering non loaded questions
Purpose: To train a PRO to answer such questions with confidence and simplicity, as are often asked by reporters. EG., What is Scientology (R)? What's Clear, OT? How does an E-Meter work?
Method: The PRO and 'reporter' sit across a table facing each other. The 'reporter' asks the questions and the PRO must answer, without a long communication lag and in a way which readily communicates to the reporter. The drill is coached as in the TRs.
The drill is passed when the PRO is confident he can answer the basic questions asked about Scientology.
2. No Answer
Purpose: To train a PRO to give a 'no answer' to questions he has no wish to answer directly.
Method: To begin with the reporter reading the questions asked LRH by 'The Sun' reporter Victor Chapple - and the PRO reads LRH's answers.
--MORE--(26%)This is just to accustom him to the idea of 'no answer'.
Then using different questions, the PRO gives 'no answers'. The trick is to appear to answer the question by giving generalized statements in simple terms so that the reporter doesn't realize his question hasn't been answered.
The PRO should be completely causative over the communication and end it with certainty, so that the reporter gets this and goes on to the next question.
3. Non sequitur events
Purpose: To enable a PRO to practice getting his "message" across and tag it on to any current event. Also a preparation for the day when our PROs will be asked to comment on current events.
Method: One person has a newspaper in front of him and reads out a headline (and perhaps a line or two of the story if necessary for the PRO's understanding of it). Ask the PRO what comment he would like to make on it. The PRO should comment briefly and lead from this into his message.
The drill is passed when the PRO can tack a message on to virtually any event, smoothly and with reality.
4. Handling a suppressive T.V. interviewer
Purpose: To train a PRO to get his message across in spite of the 'interviewer', in the few short minutes usually available on television.
This is so that .... million people have no doubts after the programme what the Scientologist stands for and what he is against.
Method: The PRO and interviewer face each other and the interviewer asks questions. The PRO attaches his message in varying forms to as many answers as possible. If the interviewer is SP he must be introverted as in the hat write up, and then the PRO has his "say". The interview has been successful when the PRO has got his message across to his satisfaction.
5. Handling an SP
a) By overwhelm
Purpose: To train a PRO to be able to establish Ethics presence over an SP reporter if the occasion arises, by such things as shouting, banging, pointing, swearing. To do this completely causatively until the poor reporter is 'caved in'.
Method: The reporter and PRO sit across a table facing each other and the reporter asks SP questions. The PRO overwhelms without judgement in answer to the SP question until he does it with reality, causativeness and the overwhelm really reaches the reporter. TR 1 is a part of this drill - there is no point saying the words if they don't reach the other guy.
b) By being knowingly covertly hostile
Purpose: To train the PRO to handle an SP reporter by word alone without the use of force as in (a). He uses the word as a rapier and plunges it in at the reporter, so that the reporter introverts and drops the question.
Method: The PRO and reporter sit across a table and the reporter asks SP type questions.
The PRO observes what would be a button in relation to the question asked and throws this back with good TR 1 so that it reaches home. If the reporter is introverted the PRO is successful. If the reporter persists with the same question the PRO should not re-press the same button - it obviously didn't work. He should drop it and use another one. If the PRO cannot think of a snide reply the reporter should just say "flunk, you haven't handled me. Start" - or some such remark - but should not tell the PRO what to say. When the confusion has come off the PRO will be able to handle and have a big win.
The drill is completed when the PRO is willing to create a cave in with an accurate snide remark, question or statement.
c) By stalling for time
Purpose: To train a PRO to maintain his confront and composure when given some SP sensational news by a reporter, of which he has no prior knowledge.
Method: The reporter asks the PRO for his comments on an entheta situation involving a Scientologist.
The PRO maintains his ethics presence and duplicates the reporter's nasty angle to his satisfaction. He then stalls for time and gets the reporter to wait a few minutes or hours or so (whatever is necessary) while he checks his facts.
The drill is passed when the PRO is confident that he could not be taken off guard by a reporter by being presented by an unknown situation.
d) By handling the reporter in front of you (verbal Karate)
Purpose: To train a PRO to handle the reporter in front of him, with judgement in present time.
Method: The PRO and the reporter sit across a table facing each other.
The PRO is asked a miscellany of questions. If it is a genuine question, he can answer it, if possible tacking his message on to the reply. If the question puts him the least bit at effect, he takes this flow and turns it towards the reporter with an even greater velocity.
He does this either by a snide remark, question or comment, or by physical overwhelm, whichever seems the right action to establish ethics presence.
He should never allow himself to be put at effect, and should not tolerate it even for an instant, but immediately attack back.
The drill is passed when the PRO no longer uses a machine or method to handle the reporter - but he is totally there, confident and handling.
_Comment_ If your student experiences difficulty on these TRs one of two things are out: a) Scientology TRs 0 - IV are not flat or b) he slipped through a previous Reporter TR without a weakness or button on him being found and flattened.
_History_ These drills have been evolved by PRO WW to train anyone on a gradient scale to handle any situation a reporter could pose. They are based on the HCOP/L 3.2.69 Public Image which states "Don't defend Scn, attack bad conditions and bad hats!"
By Sheila Gaiman PRAWW
From the hat write up of
David Gaiman PR Chief WW
Reissued as BTB by Flag Mission 1234 I/C CPO Andrea Lewis
for the BDCS:AL:DG:SG:al Copyright (c) 1969, 1975 BOARDS OF DIRECTORS OF THE by L. Ron Hubbard CHURCHES OF SCIENTOLOGY ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
TR 3 INT
Purpose: To teach a student Int Officer to get the answer to a question without startling a target. To teach him not to be startled by suspicion and accusation.
Position: Student & Coach facing each other.
Commands: No fixed commands. Use "Start", "Flunk" and "That's it" as in other TRs.
Training Stress: There are two parts to the drill.
(a) The Coach assumes an identity such as Director of a Drug Firm, or Psychiatrist, or PR Man. Coach also picks a question that the student must get answered such as "What is my address", "What is my brother's name", "Have I ever had any connection to the FDA". Coach gives the student a couple of minutes to mock up a suitable cover. Then the drill begins with the student being the interviewer who must get the question answered. Flunks are given for being too pushy, failing to let coach Itsa (a silent int officer invites Itsa), for making the Coach suspicious. Coach gets gradiently tougher & evasive.
(b) The coach picks an identity. The student picks a question as above.
Flunks are given as in part (a). If the coach guesses which question the student is trying to get answered (coaches don't go looking for the question but if it sticks out like a sore thumb then Flunk it). Coach is more evasive in this one & flunks are given for creating suspicion.
After the student does this well the coach throws in accusative comments, such as "Who are you working for?", "You're a Scientologist", "What are you, a detective?". Flunks are given for failing to handle & for becoming startled.
This drill is passed when the student can do part (b) of this drill flawlessly.
TR 3 INT WITH BULLBAITING
Purpose: To teach a student Int Officer to improvise and maintain cover when confronted with something unexpected.
Position: Student and coach facing each other.
Commands: No fixed commands. Use "Start", "Flunk" and "That's it" as in other TRs.
Training stress: Coach picks an identity. The student mocks up a cover and picks a question he wants answered. The student interviews the coach and must get his question answered.
The coach throws in startling accusations and suspicions and the student must handle and maintain his cover. Coach starts off on a gradient giving the student wins.
Flunks are give for being startled and long comm lags, for failure to give an answer and smooth over the suspicions of the coach.
This is passed when the student can give plausible answers and improvise with ease, so his cover remains intact, and can get an answer to his question.
Set up is done as per TR 3 Int (b). Coach is not tough but does give the student many facts. Student departs after terminating the interview.
And writes a report on it. Particularly noting whether he got his question answered. The report should include all facts given, but not be overly detailed and include a description of the coach. Flunks are given for false reports, opinions, evaluation, omitted data and any other outpoint found in the report but not the interview.
Mo Budlong DG Info WW
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We do not want Scientology to be reported in the press anywhere else but on the religion page of newspapers. It is destructive of word of mouth to permit the public press to express their biased and badly reported sensationalism. Therefore we should be very alert to sue for slander at the slightest chance so as to discourage the public press from mentioning Scientology - L Ron Hubbard
= = = = = = PART 6 = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
[A young scientologist finally gets to see her parents. At dinner...]
"Your mother and I have been reading about this Scientology," he told me.
He took some newspaper clippings from his briefcase. "Here. I want you to read these."
I picked up one of the clippings. It was from Time Magazine. The writer was obviously biased against Scientology. In the article Scientology was called a cult.
"Scientology's not a cult," I informed my father. "It's just a group of people trying to make a difference in the world. This writer obviously didn't talk to anyone in Scientology or he wouldn't have written these things." I handed the article back to him.
"Well, there are other articles," he handed me several other articles. I looked through them. The orientation of the writers was obvious.
"Dad, this is just entheta," I told him, remembering what Hubbard had taught about this kind of journalism on one of his tapes. "That means it is against theta, or goodness. We're not supposed to read this stuff," I told him coldly, pushing the articles back to his side of the table.
"But just read some of them," he pleaded with me.
"I don't need to read them. I know what they say without reading them.
They are written by the suppressive press. These writers are paid by their bosses to write this stuff. They want to destroy Scientology because it works.
There are vested interests in this country who don't want to see Scientology expand. It is a threat to them because they want to enslave people and Scientology is in the business of freeing people." Out of my mouth were coming the phrases I had heard over and over on Hubbard's training tapes.
"You are in a dangerous cult," my father argued with me. "We want you to quit this foolishness and come home. That's why I am here. I have come to get you and to take you home."
I looked at my dad with disbelief. He was beginning to sound like a Suppressive Person. A very unpleasant thought began to form in my mind.
Could it be possible that my dad was an SP? "How does mom feel about this?" I asked him.
"She totally agrees. We both want you home. You can go back to the university. If you come back now, you can still enroll for the spring semester." He was looking at me hopefully.
"I don't want to come back. I don't want to go back to school. This is where I belong. I have a job here. I am helping to Clear the planet.
There is nothing on this whole planet more important than Scientology.
These writers are wrong about Scientology. Scientology is the only hope on this planet that any of us have." I was beginning to get desperate.
Could my father force me to go back with him?
"No, you are wrong," my father said, beginning to sound angry. "This Scientology is nonsense. You are in a cult. And I am going to take you home. I want you to get your things and come with me. I have a ticket for you to come back with me to Michigan." He pulled the ticket from his pocket. It was made out in my name.
I started to cry. "Dad, I can't come back with you. I don't care what you think about Scientology, you just don't understand. You can't tell me what to do anymore. I'm eighteen. Scientology is my life. I've signed a contract to work here and I'm not leaving."
"What kind of contract?" he asked suspiciously.
"A Sea Org contract. I signed a contract to work for the Sea Org for a billion years. We're going to clear the planet. Then we're going to clear all the other planets in the universe. Scientology is the first chance in millions of years for us to be free. And I'm not going to mess it up. There's nothing in the world out there that I want to do.
How could I go back to music school when I have a chance here to help with something really important?"
He looked at me with a combination of exasperation and disbelief. "How can I get you to see the truth about what you are involved in?" he asked me. "Can't you see the absurdity of what you are saying? A billion year contract? Clearing the planet? This is nonsense. You need to come to your senses." Now he was really sounding angry.
"Dad, I'm not coming back with you. I'll have dinner with you and talk to you, but I'm not coming back to Michigan. And you can't make me." I was not about to give in.
He stared helplessly out the window. Then he turned to me and started speaking in a kinder, less angry voice.
"Look, I know we have never shown much affection in our family. But you know that we love you. We care about you. Why do you think I came all the way out here to see you? We all care. Your brothers and sister miss you too. We all want you back home."
"And what will you do if I don't come?" I asked him.
"We'll try something to get you back. Legally. We'll fight. We'll sue this cult if we have to. We're not going to give to up to some harebrained cult," he threatened.
Now I knew the truth. My father was an SP. Hubbard had made it clear. I had read all the teachings on the Suppressive Person on the course. The basic crime of Suppressive Persons was to attack Scientology, the only force for good and reason on the planet.
I had read about this in the Ethics book. The Suppressive Person was also called the "anti-social personality," or the "anti-Scientologist."
"There are certain characteristics and mental attitudes which cause about 20% of a race to oppose violently any betterment activity or group," Hubbard had written. Such people, he said, cause untold trouble for betterment groups such as Scientology. "The anti-social personality supports only destructive groups and rages against and attacks any constructive or betterment group." Of course, I thought. My father works for the government. According to Hubbard, the government is completely suppressive. I had listened to tapes where he had told us all about the suppressive agencies in the federal government: the IRS, the FDA, the FBI, the National Institute for Mental Health. The government, explained Hubbard, was a suppressive organization that controlled this country. But the real truth was that behind this government was an invisible govenrnment that most people didn't know about. It consisted of a secret group of twelve extremely powerful men who were the real source of power in the world. They were particularly connected with the World Health Organization in Europe. And they pulled the strings that ran this country. And the people who worked for the government, like my father, were just minor suppressives that were attracted to this kind of work because it was consistent with their real inner evil natures.
I stared at my father with amazement. My eyes were being opened. Now I understood why there had been so much trouble in our family. My father was, as Hubbard put it, a "blazing SP."
"Look, I'm not coming home. And I don't want you to cause any trouble for Scientology. That would just get us both in trouble." I looked at him coldly. I got up from the table. "I'm going back to the center. I can't stay here with you. I'm sorry you wasted your trip but you did that on your own determinism, and I can't take responsibility for it (more Scientology-talk)."
I walked out the door, not looking back at him.
I ran back to the center, and burst into Aileen's office. "Aileen, my dad is threatening to sue Scientology. He says it's a cult. He wanted me to go back home with him," I said, obviously upset.
She looked at me, concerned. "Why? What happened? Tell me exactly what happened and what he said."
I related the whole event to her. She looked troubled.
"I'm afraid I'll have to write up a knowledge report about this," she told me. "It seems that your father could be a source of trouble for us.
You'll have to work this out with Ethics. And until it's handled, I'm afraid you won't be able to go back on course. But the first thing that you need to do is to go and report everything that has happened to the MAA."
She pulled a routing form out of her top drawer. At the top it said, "Ethics Routing Form."
Several minutes later, I sat in the chair opposite the teenage Ethics Officer, telling him the same story I had told Aileen.
"I would like to indicate that your father is a Suppressive Person," he looked across the desk at me as if I were infected with a deadly virus, "and the policy on suppressives is very clear." He handed me a policy letter written by Hubbard. I read through it carefully. The policy on suppressives, according to Hubbard, was to "handle" or "disconnect."
"What does that mean?" I asked the young boy sitting across from me.
Wrong question. "What word don't you understand?" he looked at me with emotionless eyes.
"I understand the words. I just don't understand what I'm supposed to do," I said.
"Very simple. Either you handle your father. That means to the point where he is willing that you continue in the Sea Org, or you will have to disconnect from him. You will have to send him a disconnect letter."
"Disconnect letter?" It sounded ominous.
"Yes. I can help you write it. You will tell him that you want no contact with him or with the rest of your family now or at any point in the future. You will formally disconnect from your suppressive family.
And until you handle the situation in one way or the other, you won't be allowed back on course. That's policy. I'm going to give you twenty four hours to make your decision. You are to report back to me at this same time tomorrow." The policy, I realized, was black and white. Like everything else in Scientology. There was no room for feeling. Not that I minded the lack of emotion with which this and similar situations were handled in Scientology. I had already done enough TR 0 bullbaited to not feel much about anything. But to tell your parents goodbye forever... I squirmed inwardly at the thought. Yet I believed in the policy. I was already conditioned to believe that if Hubbard said it, it must be right. I knew that Hubbard's way would always be the best and most rational solution because he was "Source." In just a few short weeks, Hubbard had already assumed occupancy of the place in my mind allocated to Father, or Dad. He loved me, I believed, even more than my own father did. He was father to us all.
I walked back to the house, having been barred from the course until this problem was resolved. I thought of my dad. He'll be home in a couple of hours, I thought. I'll call him and maybe he'll be more reasonable.
Maybe he can be "handled."
But in my mind the decision had already been made. My father had taken on the color of the enemy. I no longer thought of him as father. All these years, I thought, I had been living with an SP and not known it.
This explained all the conflict in my family. And by virtue of being married to an SP, my mother was by (Scientology) definition a "PTS," or Potential Trouble Source. And both of them were now endangering my Scientology career.
If they didn't agree to back off, I thought, I will have to disconnect. I have to get back on course. Already my stats for the week are crashed, I thought dismally, wondering what ethics condition I would be assigned for the week.
I lay on my bed, thinking back over all the years with my father. I thought of the twelve characteristics Hubbard lists in the Ethics book as being characteristic of an SP.
"1. He or she speaks only in broad generalities." Yeah, I thought, my dad is always talking about "they this" and "they that."
"2. Such a person deals mainly in bad news, critical remarks, invalidation and general suppression." Bulls eye, I thought. My father had a definite tendency to be critical. I thought of all the times he came home complaining about his co-workers, criticizing what they had done during the day.
"3. The anti-social personality alters, to worsen communication...
passes on `bad news.'" Again I thought of times when my dad told us less than flattering stories about the "imbeciles" he worked with.
"4. He does not respond to treatment or psychotherapy." Once, I remembered, my mother had tried to get my dad into counseling to work on their marriage and he refused to go.
"5. Surrounding such a personality we find cowed or ill associates or friends who, when not driven actually insane, are yet behaving in a crippled manner in life, failing, not succeeding." My mother is always sick, I thought, and what about my problems. And my sister is always having trouble in school. I didn't need to read any further. There was no doubt in my mind. My dad was an SP. And now he was trying to interfere with me trying to help Scientology clear the planet. I began to feel angry. I'm not going to let him do this to me, I thought. I'm going to get ethics in on my family. If I have to disconnect, then that's what I'll do.
I waited for the hours to pass. I was dreading the call. Finally I walked down to the convenience store a couple of blocks away and placed the call. My mother answered the phone. She sounded cheerful. "Hi, dear. We were just thinking about you."
"Is dad there?" I asked her coldly. I knew what I was up against. My mother had no idea of the situation she was in, that she was PTS to a deadly SP. "Yes, he just got in. I'm so disappointed that you didn't come back with him. But you need to know that we love you and we'll always be here for you." "Could I just talk to dad?"
He came on the line. "Margery, we're not going to give up without a fight. You tell Scientology that they will hear from my lawyer. I'm not going to stand for this nonsense."
"OK, dad. I'm sorry you feel that way. Tell mom goodbye for me," I said, then quickly hung up the phone.
There's no going back now, I thought. I went back to the house and spent a sleepless night tossing to and fro, my sleep haunted with nightmares about my father. In one dream, he had a gun and was standing outside the center shooting through the windows.
The next morning I walked over to center and went directly to the Ethics office.
"I need to disconnect from my family," I stated calmly. "There's no hope of ever dealing rationally with my father. He's insane on the subject of Scientology. Hubbard was sure right about SP's. They hate what we are doing to save this planet."
"So what do I have to do?" I looked across at the teenage Master at Arms. "Here's what you have to write," he replied, handing me a blank sheet of paper and a pen. He began to dictate. "I am writing to notify you that I hereby disconnect from you." He paused as I wrote. "I want no further contact with you at any time or under any circumstances.
This decision is irrevocable." I wrote down exactly what he said.
"Now sign it," he commanded. Then he handed me an envelope. "You can make this out and we will mail it for you."
I addressed the envelope.
"That's all there is to it," he said matter of factly. "I will give you a form to get you back on course. You're going to have to push to get your stats back up."
"I know," I answered. "But I'll do it. Thursday is still three days away." I walked back to the courseroom. Just like that, I thought. I tried to comprehend the fact that I would never see or write to my parents ever again. Somehow, it didn't seem real. I couldn't quite imagine life without mom and dad to fall back on.
"Well, I guess I'm on my own now," I thought. "I know I did the right thing. I just wish I felt better about it."
For a moment I had a fleeting thought to run back up the street to the store to call my dad and ask him for the ticket back home.
But I quickly pushed the thought from my mind. "Family," I thought to myself, "is the second dynamic. The Sea Org is the third dynamic."
Then I repeated to myself the phrase I was to hear many times in the coming years. "The greatest good for the greatest number of dynamics," I thought. "Scientology must survive. My relationship with my family is not important. All that is important is clearing the planet."
I can't think about them any more, I told myself as I approached the center. They are no longer my family. Scientology is my family. And this is my real home.
I walked resolutely into the courseroom. I was more determined than ever to do well in Scientology.
I didn't think about my family again for a long time. I read the letters from my mother that would arrive periodically at the center, but I would throw them in the trash, feeling no emotion whatsoever.
I had passed my first initiation.
I was now a real Scientologist.