From The New York Times, 2/3/05: http://www.nytimes.com/2005/02/03/opinion/03dowd.html?hp
Inherit the Windbags
By MAUREEN DOWD
Do male nipples prove evolution?
Not at all, according to a Web site for a planned Creation Museum devoted to showing that the Bible is literally true.
Nipples may be biologically de trop for men, an "expert" on the site notes, but that doesn't mean they resulted from natural selection.
They could just as well be a decorating feature of the Creator's (like a hood ornament).
Who are we to question His designs, since we cannot presume to comprehend His mind?
The virtual tour of the museum, to be built in rural Kentucky, says its exhibits will explain many such mysteries, like the claim that T. rex lurked around Adam and Eve - "That's the terror that Adam's sin unleashed!" - and how "Noah and his family survive 371 days alone on an animal-filled boat" ("a real 'Survivor' story").
The philosophy of the Creation Museum, part of the "Answers in Genesis" ministry, is summed up this way:
"The imprint of the Creator is all around us. And the Bible's clear - heaven and earth in six 24-hour days, earth before sun, birds before lizards. Other surprises are just around the corner. Adam and apes share the same birthday. The first man walked with dinosaurs and named them all! God's Word is true, or evolution is true. No millions of years. There's no room for compromise."
Personally, I've decided to stop evolving.
No point, really.
Evolution is so 20th century.
As with Iraq, President Bush has applied his doctrine of pre-emption on evolution, cutting it off before it can pose a threat to our well-being.
Ever since he observed during his 2000 campaign that "on the issue of evolution, the verdict is still out on how God created the earth," Mr. Bush has been reeling backward as fast as he can toward the Garden of Eden, which, if creationists are to be believed, was really "Jurassic Park."
Seeing the powerful role of evangelicals in getting Mr. Bush re-elected, teachers across the country are quietly ignoring evolution, even when the subject is in their curriculums.
Many teachers take the hint on evolution even without overt pressure, Cornelia Dean wrote this week in Science Times:
"Teachers themselves avoid the topic, fearing protests."
On eBay, you can even find replicas of the stickers that a Georgia county put on science textbooks to warn that evolution is "a theory, not a fact."
Talk about sticker shock.
So much for the Tree of Knowledge.
Mr. Bush gives us the Ficus of Faith.
I knew the president, Dick Cheney and Newt Gingrich wanted to wipe out the psychedelic "if it feels good do it" post-Vietnam 60's and go back to the black-and-white 50's - a meaner "Happy Days."
They wanted to yank us back in a time machine to a place before Vietnam was lost, free love was found, Roe v. Wade was enacted; they could roll back science to smother stem cells' promise.
(Since it was reported last week that all human embryonic lines approved for federally financed research are tainted with a foreign molecule from mice, the administration can't even feign an interest in scientific progress. Who'd a-thunk that science's great hope would turn out to be Arnold Schwarzenegger?)
I misunderestimated this ambitious president.
His social engineering schemes in the Middle East and America are breathtakingly brazen.
He doesn't just want to dismantle the 60's.
He wants to dismantle the whole century - from the Scopes trial to Social Security.
He can shred one of the greatest achievements of the New Deal and then go after other big safety-net Democratic programs, reversing the prevailing philosophy of many decades that our tax and social welfare systems should equalize the distribution of wealth, just a little bit.
Barry Goldwater wouldn't have had the brass to take a jackhammer to that edifice.
The White House seems to think Social Security was corrupt from the moment it was enacted in 1935.
It wants to replace it with private accounts that will fatten the wallets of stockbrokers and put the savings of Americans who didn't inherit vast fortunes at risk.
Mr. Bush and his crew not only want to scrap the New Deal.
By weakening environmental and safety protections and trying to flatten the progressive income tax, they're trying to eradicate not just one Roosevelt but two, going after the progressive legacy of Theodore.
With their brutal assault on history and their sanctimonious manner, they give a whole new meaning to Teddy's philosophy of the presidency.
Bully pulpit, indeed.