Anonymous asked this question on 5/14/2000:
I'm 42 (f) & have hit a wall in my life. No stranger to depression (& have been ~wrongly I think~ dx'd bipolar2). I'm in a fugue state right now & am avoiding some major issues while pouring all my considerable energy into my business, which is doing very well. However, I am half way through night law school & hating it; wish I had stayed with Plan A, (a PsyD.) I dropped two volunteer positions, one in the court system & one as a rape/crisis counselor, something I had done for 6 years & was proud of. I've been working 80 hours a week with school & business for 2 years, plus volunteering, fixing up an old house & trying to keep connected to friends & family and keeping a relationship with my SO going forward as this is very important to me also. In the last 2 years I have also gone through death & illness in the family & a rather acrimonious divorce. I'm exhausted & overwhelmed & feel like a loser for it. I've always kept my emotional cards close to my chest, and haven't talked with those close to me about this panicky failing feeling. This is wrong, as I have wonderful supportive friends, but I've always been the "strong" one & I suppose don't like to appear otherwise. I have employees relying on me for a paycheck & everyone in my life expecting me to be a winner. Do I try to pick up where I feel I've left off, even though it may not be the right path (the JD)? Run away to Mexico & reinvent myself? I'm sure I know the right answers here. Perhaps I just need to unload, albeit anonymously. I just want to do right by myself & others, & I'm not doing that now. And no, I'm not in counselling, hate the navel gazing. And no, I'm not on meds & hope never to take another mood stabilizer in my life, they flat~line me. And no, finding Jesus won't help this little chickadee.
grwolfe4268 gave this response on 5/15/2000:
Sounds like you have to do some adjusting in your life. You are burning to many candles and your burning yourself out. Step back an evaluate what is the number one priority in your life. Make your self a list and go from there. You can't go on doing all these things. There is nothing wrong with putting your night school on hold. I know the feeling you are having with always being the strong one, because as a pastor I try to hide my own problems and feeling so that people don't think I'm weak. But that is no good, everyone is human all we all have our moments. Talk to your close friends and confide in them and take their advise. If you like counseling rape victims then do it. Life only goes around once and you need to enjoy life a little. All work and no enjoyment is not a life. Do what is best for you this time and you will see that things will work out for the best. I'm here for you if you need to talk. But make that list and talk to someone you can trust.
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