apollonia asked this question on 5/7/2000:
I have been depressed for about two years, I am 18 years old, in college. Even though it was hard for me, I finally had the guts to go to counselling this year. I was quickly diagnosed by a doctor (as if I needed it confirmed) to have severe depression. He prescribed a heavy dose of effexor and suggested I keep on with the counselling. But I hated counselling, so I quit, and I refuse to take medication, for a lot of reasons.... and I know rejecting help is my fault, but I still wish I had somewhere else to go... I want desperately to feel good and go on with life, but I jsut can't make myself because on some level I really don't want to get better... I don't feel I deserve it. So now I am backing myself into this aweful place with nowhere to go... any thoughts? (besides suicide...)
MrsHomme gave this response on 5/7/2000:
Rejection of treatment and feeling "undeserving" of getting better are two major characteristics of depression. Man, nature has a sick sense of humor, doesn't it? First of all, therapy can be very healing. Have you tried finding another therapist? As for the meds, is it the meds that you hate? or the side effects? Effexor sucks big time in the side effect department, at least for me it did. There are many other meds, though with little or no sides. If it is the drugs that you hate, there are herbal remedies such as St. John's Wort. I know many people who take it and swear by it. A healthy diet is also very important. You can also find your own "mood elevators." For me it is shellfish. Don't know why, but when I am feeling bad I eat a little crab or shrimp and feel much better. A little chocolate now and then helps too. Exercise is very good for beating depression. Take walk, work out, SWEAT! I personally meditate and have become a Taoist. There is so much peace in the words of the Tao Te Ching. Suicide probably does look very attractive, I am saying this from a depressed person, which I have been all my life. I know it is out of hand when 1) I have a plan for my death, 2) Nothing matters, not even leaving my children orphans and 3) When I have vivid daydreams or "visions" of killing myself, what it feels like, what it looks like, how I feel, what I see, etc. Know your limits, know when things are out of hand. Get in touch with your body so much that you notice even the slightest change, when things are getting really bad. Get help. This is the hardest part. Get a friend to help you, push you. I had no friends so I enlisted the help of my boss and when I started crashing he got me to the help I needed. I am now a very good mother (of a bi-polar child), a good wife, and a good person. I do things in the community, I help people and I go to college where I am pursuing a triple major. I will eventually go to law school. No one else can do it for you, help yourself. You can and you deserve it.
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