treseq asked this question on 4/22/2000:
I and my wife, Karen, have been married for 11 years. My son is 9 and my daughter is 3.
My wife has a temper problem and things that happened to her when she was in school and with her family, which spreads to all areas of our marrige, ie relationships with family, friends, children and neighbours and myself.
I have somehow managed to survive this. She has left home since eight weeks and would like to reunite. We have discussed our problems and both agreed that this was the main barrier.
My wife has this problem much before our marriage ie with her parents, brothers and sister. She has deep rooted issues in her which I am unable to help despite my best efforts. She has realised that if we do decide to reunited this issue will have to be addressed properly with concrete ways of handling this.
She has been to psycologist and she says that they are of no use as they only give her anti-depressant medication, which she refuses to take.
I would like to keep this family united but I am affraid if this is not solved we will be back to sqare one! We have seperated 3 times before and I cannot take this nor is it conductive for the children.
If you can guide me in some direction that we can look to solve this problem I do not know how I could repay you.
Should you require more information that will help you to put me in the right direction for help please contact me on email@example.com
Thank you Trevor Sequeira
MysticKnight gave this response on 4/22/2000:
Hi Trevor !!! You have a very good insight when you say that your wife's issues have to be address and faced directly because thet will remain the main problem in your relationship.
You say as well that they are deeply rooted since childhood and it seems to me that she has been avoiding such confrontation since that time.. it will be difficult to get them out ...without proper help..I can assure you.
You say as well that she went to see psychologists ( you must mean osychiatrists for psychologists can not prescribe medication) and they weren't much help and I believe you.Medications are not the solution, and from my personal experience, they rarely are.
Your wife has to come up in the open, she has to find someone she trusts ( in this case it might be you) and as well a professional that would guide you through all the phases leading to "recovery" or acceptance of what has happened. Unfortunately, you do not describe a lot of the traumas that your wife has endured ...( which I understand since a lot of people are going to read this , you may keep a certain dose of privacy in this case)
I would like to help you but I would have to talk to both of you as well and see so far what has been done, which ways were envisaged to lead your spouse into acceptance and if you would like , I would invite you to join me on a chat engine called ICQ ...my number there is 4562609... then we would be able to really get to things ... unless you would like to try it out via email (firstname.lastname@example.org)
But without the both of you there , it would be merely impossible to see what solutions may be tried in this.
And , please, do not kid yourself, your relaationship will not be optimum before something gets to be done in that area meaning tha your wife must start to face what really happened to her , as difficult as it may be . Lots could be accomplish but I would have to know what are the specifics in this particular case and I would like you to be there as well so you can comfort your spouse and help her out, by just being there and let her know that you are not rejecting her no matter what has happened. She does need you and you will have to be strong for her for a while ...but afterwards , I can almost assure you that things will slowly start to fall into place but we have to start somewhere.
I really hope to hear more from you, one way or another...
Sincerely yours, Louis Carle "Mystic Knight"
The average rating for this answer is 4.6.
treseq rated this answer a 5.
Thanks I have spoken to my wife and will come bake to you soon