The Spiritual Rape
After opening up a number of accounts for OSA, and still not really understanding what they were doing with these accounts, something started feeling weird. I am not sure if it was they insisting I use PGP (they being Bill, and Gavino) or what --- but somewhere it just seemed to be getting way heavier than I had figured.
So I decided to pop onto ARS and view whatever was going on. Nightly I would see people's communications changed, or words all jumbled up. At this time I was very much against the critics and of course the X-Scientologists. However, I was raised by parents who were both strong advocates of Freedom Of Speech. My Dad used to say, "let everyone speak their mind, and put all the cards on the table. In the end, usually truth will prevail.
Ok, so now here I am realizing I am not only a part, I helped set up the accounts so these blokes can screw up people's speech. No matter what they were saying, that didn't seem right to me.
So I decided to quit. But quit isn't an easy thing to do when you are part of a very secret inner mafia. But I knew I had to. I called Bill, and told him I needed to get a job, and would have to stop "volunteering". He said fine, he would get back to me. (This is sort of a famous line of Bill's on this OSA post).
Bill called back to tell me there was going to be a meeting that night in Glendale. Now you have to get that LOTS of stuff was going on behind closed doors, that I wasn't in on. So I really still wasn't sure who was spamming or how many people, etc. All I knew were the people I have listed earlier. But I still trusted Bill completely, as remember he had been a 30 year old friend, as well as my auditor. Now before I go on, I need to say a bit about this, for you to totally get the significance of this. For me I TOTALLY trusted Bill. He could do not wrong. He would do no wrong, in my book. I was sure of it. He was an OT, as were each of the people in this meeting, with the exception of Gavino.
Again, it may be hard for you who have never done OT 7 to "get" the significance of what went down --- but it was heavier than I can say in words.
An OT can NEVER, EVER, EVER even say the word "BT" or "cluster". ALL of OT 3 is TOTALLY secret, and utmost confidentiality, let alone OT 7 which is even more confidential and secret. You not only cannot say the words (and Of course not speak about it), but you cannot even imply anything to do with it, or you are in serious trouble. Clears should NEVER be exposed to the possibility of OT 3.
Remember Hubbard said someone could die of pneumonia if exposed to it too soon.
I didn't really buy that, but I did take it all very seriously.
So let's move to "the meeting". I walk in a little worried; as I am prepared for Gavino to perhaps be pissed that I am quitting. But what went down I was TOALLY unprepared for, and it was a major break in The Truman Show.
I went into an upstairs room of an apartment, where I was told to go. Jim Kalurgas was there, with CJ and I think one other man. I remember it was all men at the meeting, and me, and we were all OT's except for Gavino. In stormed Mr. Bill and Gavino walking rapidly across the floor. I cannot even remember what Gavino said, but suddenly I heard him say in his very Italian accent, "I tawwwld you about HER, Bill!"
I immediately said "You told him What>???" In Scientology they have a term for talking about people behind their backs, it is called Third Party, and I was shocked to hear Gavino had been 3rd partying me to Bill, and that Bill wouldn't have told me! Suddenly Gavino asks me, "What could possibly come up in a session re this project Tory?"
I am stunned. HUH? What could come up??? I am an OT 7~! So are ALL of the men, except for Gavino who is Clear. My Fucking Auditor is asking the same question!! The same person who a short time ago stood up in OSA INT and said, "Don't worry, Tory. OSA has fabulous auditors at Flag who can help you if you need it". Remember? I even asked a few times, "Are you sure??" And Bill said? " SURE!!!" Then. Not now.
Now he is storming around the room with Gavino asking the same question over and over: "What could come up re this project, Tory". Well again, if you understand the OT levels, ANYTHING can come up with Bt's and Clusters --- so hey, I was in shock! How could I possibly answer this Clear, who doesn't have a clue about Bt's and Clusters, and for me to even hint at it would get me in serious trouble. And right next to him is my OT 7, Class 9 auditor asking the very same questions! It had the very same feel as the old GO stories I had long ago heard about, where exec's interrogated people, screaming at them, etc.
This went on for about 45 minutes with Bill and Gavino asking me over and over what could possibly come up? Shit --- ..there was a major crack in The Scientology Truman Show in this room this night. Finally I broke down and began crying very hard. I didn't care. What could they do, Shoot me?
It is odd how when one is in that kind of situation, it is for some reason hard to just break out and leave. I guess because I trusted this people, I kept thinking there must be some kind of misunderstanding. Finally I realized ALL they gave a shit about was covering their asses. I also knew 100% without a shadow of a doubt that I was correct to get out! This was totally like getting raped spiritually. I felt horrible.
Crying hard, I stood up and walked out! I ran downstairs, and Bill came flying after me. I am not sure if it was his instinct as an auditor, but if so, what the Hell happened to it while the interrogation was going on? Whatever, that was THE END for me. Bill tried to apologize and explain, but it was too late, way too late. Truly, that night was such a serious crack in the Truman Show, I cannot say it in words. But if someone you dearly love has ever harshly betrayed you, this was that feeling. It hurt tremendously. ( and Add to it the others just sitting by saying nothing to even slightly back me up --- and you get the idea of spiritual rape) I wasn't sure how it would change things, but suddenly I knew both Bill and I had changed forever. I knew he had sold out seriously. I wasn't sure what would happen to me, but I knew something very deep had changed that night. A trust that was SO deep inside of me was gone forever.
I left, and was never really close to Bill again, really. Prior to that night, we were sort of like best friends, or very good friends. After that night, he had little to say to me, and visa versa. We saw each other at parties with friends, but he was always "cordial". It wasn't Bill, and I knew it. Where had he gone? I wouldn't find him again (my real old friend) until the night before I left Scientology, almost a year later.
That is the story of Magoo, Nailed to the Cross. I realize I am saying quite a lot in these posts, but I am hoping it helps each of you
A Understand what went down a bit more
B ) Understand a bit more what occurred with me
C ) And hopefully help others get ideas of how they too can tell their stories.
It is easy, when broken up like this. We need more series --- so feel free! And if any spammers are reading this, please speak out!
Speaking of crosses --- .I would like to officially wish each and everyone of you a Happy Easter! I love Easter, it is one of my favorite times of the year. I hope you do too.
Blessings and chocolate Bunnies to each of you!
Tory / Magoo~dancing with the Easter Bunny~
In for 30 years
OSA volunteer, on and off for 20years
Out for 8 months
Free at last!