New at lisafiles.com: A Knowledge Report Lisa wrote in 1989 about joining the Sea Org.
It appears that one or more pages are missing from the end of this document.
Somehow, I hadn't realize that Lisa had been a member of the Sea Org until a few months ago.
Lisa's decision to route out of the Sea Org would follow her for the rest of her years in Scientology. During the last year or two of her life, she discussed having been rejected for a profile in a Scientology magazine; a former Scientologist informed me that that was probably because Lisa was a former Sea Org member, and was therefore seen as a degraded being.
Knowledge Report - Joining the Sea Org
Knowledge Report 4 Aug 89
I am writing this report for my ethics file. It covers what happened when I joined the Sea Org.
I had never before originated any interest in joining the S.O. My husband Gene had however. Every time it was brought up in our conversations, he would tell me he would never activate his contract while we were together. Around Oct. 88 he left Dallas claiming he was going for Athena cramming. He activated his S.O. contract without our discussing it and never came back to Dallas.
From Oct. thru Nov. 88 I did an extensive PTS handling on my 2D and at Doubt decided things definitely needed to change. All this is recorded in my ethics file. Gene and I were talking long distance and I tried to express to him what I had uncovered on my conditions. He disagreed. I became very disappointed in him and his unwillingness to look. My doubt condition never was completed as I never did the last step. I believe it was in Nov. a recruiter (Maria) came in town. We became very good friends. She stayed at my house and I became involved with most of her recruit cycles. I was really flowing power to her. I recall thinking - well - I'm sure helping her recruit people, it doesn't make sense why I'm not interested in joining the S.O. After Maria was with me for about a week, I was laying in bed, it was about 4:00 pm and I jumped up (literally) and announced to her "I have to join the S.O.!"
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but nonetheless, existant. I imagined me leading multitudes of people (alone) to freedom. That was my sole determining factor for feeling I had to join. Once I signed my contract, we were looking at how I could join. I had debt - 25,000. I told Gene about what I had done, hoping he would be proud of me. He was. I asked him what plan did he have for our debt. I knew full good and well his plan was for me to continue work while he remained on staff. I strongly resented this. Thoughts went through my head were - who does he think he is! He can't stop me - if he joined, well so can I. My intention became more to be: I'll show him. I'll let him solve the debt problem. He never did. I dropped the idea of activating after Maria left and didn't pick it back up until Rae Mathieson and Kristie Leanna arrived from CC Int. What I considered about going to CC Int was namely fame and glamour. At the time I was working on my 1D admin scale and decided I wanted to be an auditor. So I decided to tell the team from CCI I wanted to go. In writing this I just spotted how I was actually operating on a 1D purpose: to be an auditor. A big squabble began when again my debts were addressed. I told the problem to Rae & Kristie - how "bad" Gene was for dumping all the responsibility of the debts on me. Again I got riled up at "Gene stopping me" from doing what I wanted to do and I became damned
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me. While all my cycles were being addressed to get me off to CCI - Rae would ask me "how are you going to handle your debts?" I never did really know except I always told him "Don't worry, I will handle it" - I had to really convince him too - although each time I really looked I would just come up blank. I became determined even more when I found out Gene had only claimed responsibility for 5000.00 of our debt - blatantly refusing to own up to any more. This had significant upset with me and I just saw he was trying to stop me. In other words, my purpose was not in the 3rd but 1st & 2nd. I see that now. The night before I was scheduled to leave for CCI my "solution" for the debts was to get someone else to pay them. I called a friend of mine, Steven Craig, and told him what my dream was. He told me his financial scene was bad, in fact, he had to borrow money from his parents just to meet his monthly obligations. I pressed him on it and he said he wanted to help but that from what he could see, it would be around Mar. '89 before he expected to be in any position to help me but that if he could, he would. This meant I still had to come up with some way to cover my debts from Dec. to Mar. I decided in the worst case, I would just let my debts go unpaid and wait for Mar. to come. At this point I announced that my debts were "handled" and told Rae the proposed deal I'd made with Steve Craig. The following day I left. I arrived at CCI and found an
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planned for his help until Mar. He said he would do it. Gene and I were still at odds with each other and were ARC Xen with each other to a point of little to no comm. He was living in an apt. near the complex and I took berthing at the Wilcox. Rae knew we were not getting along and let me know he wanted for us to get back together. By this time, I had decided to divorce Gene. The payments my old 2D promised never came. I then looked at my own condits to try and sort out where I had gone awry. Shortly after I was on post as Cope Off is when this took place. I agreed to take the post instead of becoming an auditor like I had originally planned. To back up a second, once while I was on my EPF, Gene & I did get together and had sex at the apt. he was at. I never re-addressed my conditions with him and things went to like they had been before - which I did not like. I went to see him twice more. Both times I'd take my hygiene time and take the bus to him. When staff would ask me why my husband wasn't living with me, I asked Gene and he said because he didn't want to ride the bus and his living quarters were much easier for him and his post. I never gave that a second thought. Back to when I decided to look at my own condits. A few days before I had put in a personal comm line with my Sr. Lance Imburgia. He too had questioned mine and Gene's living
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to Lance from day one - he was very handsome. It was a week or so before I even put anything on the comm line. I had a dream about he & I and when I woke, I loved the feeling I had so much about him, I would not let it go. I later announced to him about this dream and that was when I put the first flow on the line. When I looked at my conditions I went to Lance to help me. He got with me and helped me work back out of doubt on my 2D. The results came up the same, I didn't want the existing scene with Gene to continue. So I told Lance I wanted to end the 2D. It was my intention then to have a 2D with Lance once I could divorce Gene. 3rd dynamically I was struggling with things on my post. Specifically, I was uncertain about exactly what was going down with Pete Imburgia - Lance's father. I was hearing godawful rumors that he was an SP. Yet per the reports I submitted, saw no evidence to support this. Heidi Tanhauser was the S/C and she was going about with derrog comments concerning both Lance and Pete, yet she never did sit down and work with Lance. I became upset over this and Heidi and I never did get a good comm line in. She would cut my comm routinely. I disliked her more as days passed. I never wrote her up. I saw it yet took no responsibility for it. Many times I would recall the Dallas Org and how noise and distractions were utterly forbidden yet here I saw a Sr exec creating noise
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about what she said are contained in the attached reports. In Dallas, I learned the value of keeping comm lines clean and high ARC and 2 times I originated to Heidi that I felt we had ARC X's that needed to be fixed. Both times she told me she was the S/C and I was her jr. and I had to respect her. I felt she cared less about me then and I decided I didn't want her on my comm line.
I also had problems on 2 occasions when the Capt. Karen Poulin ordered me to stay after 12:00 midnight to get telexs sent. My direct Sr, Lance would order me to go home so as to not be off the org schedule and I would protest, telling him it was an order from the capt. He would get me the LRH ref. on what was in violation and I would feel like shit - not knowing why there was such disagreements amongst Sr. staff. Again, I never wrote it up.
I rarely attended study, maybe went 7 times total while there.
Many days 5 or more staff would not report and valuable production time would be lost rounding staff up. Almost always, Lance was an offender. I never wrote it up.
I sort of fell out of ARC with the group. I had expectations of it being a certain way and it was not. I realize now that my overts were in NOT taking any responsibility for what I knew and I just went out of control. I had my own fixed ideas of what
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member by DOING something to change the outnesses I saw.
I want to report more about Lance. Once I felt the attraction towards him (after my dream) my mind was even more set on ending my 2D with Gene. I told Lance everything concerning our marriage, all the bad things that Gene had done. Lance agreed that I was making the right decision. It was important to me for Lance to see I no longer wanted to stay married to Gene. Lance was the only terminal at CCI I ever completely confided in. At different times the Chief MAA and the S/C and Rae M. would tell me I needed to do a "handling" with Gene. This included a 2D co-audit. I didn't ever quite understand why - except to "clear up the ARC X" and I felt they thought we needed to get back together. From my viewpoint, I would never get back with Gene - I wanted to marry Lance! Further, I never saw why what I had mocked up with Lance was so out ethics. I had a lot of fun being with him. Gene was never there and Lance was so therefore Lance was providing more survival just as a 2D terminal than Gene, that was my "reasoning" on it. After post many nights Lance and I would stay up talking in the lobby at the Wilcox or go for breakfast at Denny's. Our comm line grew stronger. I was a safe terminal for him. He was having a rough time with his parents' cycle. He was protesting the non-enturb order on his father and the whole ordeal of his parents being marked "out-ethics" when from all the data he had on his parents, they were routing [illegible] the S.O. standardly. [illegible]
friend to him and was probably the only person he completely trusted at the org. Once when we were going to eat, I linked my arm in his while we were walking. The reason I did was because I loved being close to him and I thought "I do this innocently with other men so I can safely do so with Lance, people think we're 'just friends', so no big deal." The next day I was called into the Capts. office. Rae Mathieson was there along with a Mission Insurance. The Capt. asked me point blank if I had 2D intentions for Lance. I told her yes. She told me we had been seen arm & arm walking down Hollywood Blvd. I shrugged it off by explaining I walked arm in arm with a lot of my friends - I had even done so with Rae while we were in Dallas, I said. That justifier didn't stand a chance with them. The Capt. pulled out a copy of 2D rules and had me read it. I told her I had not done anything physical with Lance so I had not violated this P.L.; she tried to get me to see how any create in the theta universe was in direct violation of the PL. I disagreed, I explained that in the "theta" universe I had ended cycle on Gene if we were going to address theta universe stuff. She said the fact that I was MARRIED made ANY create out ethics. I thought this was a classic example of policy interpretation along with double standard and held my position on what I believed to be true. She told me irately
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for doing this. Then she asked if I had future intentions w/ Lance. I told her yes, I planned to divorce Gene and marry Lance but that until my divorce was final I would not do A/G sexual with him as I saw how THAT would be out-ethics but our comm line was very special to me and I would keep that. She was not happy with me at all. She tried to get me to see how this could blow up if Gene got word of it, that him being the FBO WUS, it could crash the entire WUS stats if this got on his lines. I told her Gene would have to be handled separately and I would not feel it fair to hold me 100% responsible if HE allowed the stats to crash! She saw I was not getting what I was saying because I got very upset, I started crying, I felt like I was about to be killed. I said - what do you want me to do?!? What can I do to keep from being RPF'd, comm ev'd and make this right with you? The pressure was intense and I wanted relief - anyway I could get it! She told me - Go tell Lance you do NOT intend to have a 2D with him, NOW or EVER! Tell him what you have done is not okay and you convince him you WILL NOT have a 2D with him. Then you start writing your OW's and do your condits. I told her I would. I left her office in tears. I went to a little room, locked the door and sobbed uncontrollably for 45 minutes. I had not been so enturbulated since 13 yrs old. Lance knocked on the door and wanted to see me. I let him in - I looked a
complete mess. He was upset over this and demanded to know what had happened. I - in between god awful sobs - announced practically verbatim what the Capt. told me to say - that it was wrong what we did, that I never wanted a 2D with him, etc., He asked if someone told me to say that? I told him it didn't matter because we were both going to be RPF'd if we didn't do what the Capt. said. He was outraged and went directly to the Capts. office. I spent the rest of the day in that space. I wrote up about 4 pgs. of O/W's. A lot of them pure manufacture. I know I started listing on what's wrong with me. I felt stupid - I couldn't understand why I couldn't see what everyone else saw. I didn't see why what Lance and I had done was so out-ethics. But I looked at how upset I was and thought I must be horribly out ethics to be so caved in! I must really be bad! So I wrote up in my O/W's what "must" have been. I put stuff like I intentionally used the recruiters to get into the S.O. and I had 2D ints for Rae - that wasn't true but I thought that's what I probably did. I ended my write up on BI's - I pretended GI's to keep out of more trouble. There was an incident I wrote up which was true. The Fri before, Lance and I had gone to the beach and we sat on rocks, he was behind me and he rubbed my back. We put our arms around each other for several hours. We hinted at getting
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the activist formerly known as "Jour" (before $cientology outed me)
If I am not who you say I am, then you are not who you think you are. - James Baldwin
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