Anonymous asked this question on 7/12/2000:
I dated this guy for a couple of months over the course of which I lost my virginity to him. before school ( college) got out for the summer I showed up and basically asked what the deal was. He seemed to be pretty honest and basically said he wasn't ready for a serious relationship because of his ex. and that He was going to europe. After the talk I spent the night and went to leave the next morning and he was like come here.. and we kissed. Since then we haven't talked because he refuses too. I also found out that after he got back from europe.. He had sex with his ex again, which he referred to as a whore.. and is going after his professor's daughter. I don't know why I can't seem to let go .. and don't really understand why he couldn't have just said "were done" and left it at that. Instead of hanging up the phone on me, when I call to talk. On top of which I feel stupid for falling for him because he seems like such a player and that I never meant anything to him.
Magic7474 gave this response on 7/12/2000:
Sadly, you gave him a part of yourself that you can never give to anyone else. True you were used. You were apparantly, a quest for him, a mountain to conquer,a goal to pursue. I know that these are not the words you want to hear and there is nothing that anyone can say that will take away the pain. Knowing that we have all been there, done that, and got the T-Shirt may help a bit. As to why you can't get over him...I believe you have taken the anger you have for him and turned it inside out which is depression. In time, of course, you will get over him, but to think that it will happen in just a few months, is not practical. There was evidently some strong emotional connection between the two of you...and it takes time for this to die. Feeling pain is a hard way to know that you are still alive. Finding someone else would not be the ideal thing to do at this point...although finding new friends would help greatly...I am a strong believer in abstaining from intamacy in a new relationship...Best to save that part of it for when you really know the other person...and that will take a while... You will come out of this...and you will be stronger for it...I know that it hurts...But know this...somewhere out there...a special man is waiting for you...and when you find him...you will wonder what you ever saw in this loser you are feeling pain over...