meganb2319 asked this question on 7/12/2000:
Hello...I have been with my boyfriend for three years and am madly in love with him. I know he loves me too. My problem is...he has broken up with me three times. The last time, we were engaged. He never breaks up with me to see other women. In fact, I am the one who dates other people when we brake up...this is only because I think the best way to get over someone is to move on to someone else...so when I think it may be over for good this time, I date someone else, but I always end up coming back to him. Not just because he's comfotable either. Because I am completely in love with who he is and who I know he'll become. We have so much in common...our work ethic, college drive, attraction for each other, life goals, etc.
The thing is...we just got back together at the end of April, after what I thought was really the end for us. He told me a couple of days ago that he was thinking of proposing to me again. I want more than anything to wear that ring, but I don't want it unless it's forever. I don't want to looke silly going back to school in the fall, showing everyone my ring, AGAIN, and then one day walking in to class without it!
I know we were meant to be together...everything about how we got together, to how he got the ring in the first place is fate! The ring was a Christmas miracle, an "angel" gave him the ring for way less than the price, which is the only reason he was able to afford it.
He says he breaks up with me because he feels unworthy of my love. He knows he loves me more than anyone else ever could and he would do anything for me, but he feels like he is going nowhere in life. He's 22 and has not begun college. His parents do not help him financially, so he had to work two jobs to afford rent, which left no money or time for school. He has the drive to get back in, and now has a job that will allow him, but he is so afraid of failure. I'm 21, work full-time at a hospital, and attend college full-time, so he doesn't think he stacks up, and is just starting to realize that I love him no matter what.
The ultimate question is...should I take a chance on the only person I will ever love with all my heart? Should I wear the ring now? Should I wait until we're together for a longer period of time before I take it back? And please, no one tell me to get rid of him...that is not an option. I know we'll grow old together...I just need to know if it starts now.
Please help me make a decision. I have to give him some kind of answer soon, even if it's that I need more time. Also, I don't want to hurt him...I love him with all that I am!!
daddyslurpy gave this response on 7/12/2000:
I can see from you essay that you are really in love with him. Also it sound like he is love with you too, which is great. I am not going to tell you what to do, because that is not giving advice in my opinion. But, I am going to, “lets say” open your eyes to let you see the answer a little clearer, which is steering you in your face.
You ask whether you should accept his proposal or not. Well my advice to you is, think about what would happen if you don't accept and if you do accept (both good and bad). Then ask yourself is it worth it or not. Please don't get me wrong, I am not trying to tell or convince you to that he is not the one for you, because he is. I am just trying to let you see all angles of this situation, that way you know and feel you made the right decision without any regrets or a shadow of a doubt.
True love only comes around once, some wait a live time for it and some don't. What I'm saying is, you have something special, so hold on to it, because when it goes it never returns. If he loves you like you say he does, he will do the same. Here is something I do when I am situation similar to this. Find a quit and peaceful place where your mind can be at rest. Then listen to your heart not your mind and the answer you seek will appear. For this to work you really have to listen to yourself, otherwise it is a waste of time.
I hope I help in some way, and if I didn't or made matters worst, please forgive me, that was not my intension. With that, thank you for your time and I wish you all the best.