CatGirl25 asked this question on 7/11/2000:
Hi. I am a 25 year old single mom of a 9 month old. I really want to have a relationship with a man. It is hard for me to get out to go to clubs, ect. Therefore, I have been meeting men online. My problem is that I really have no babysitter so I can't come and go as I please. Will I find a man who will understand and put up with this? Right now I am interested in this one guy. He lives 2 hours away and wants to meet half way sometimes. How do I explain that I can not just do this on call? And that my daughter will most likely have to tag along?....Thanks
LadyMara gave this response on 7/12/2000:
First off dear do NOT have your little daughter "tag along"!!!
Look, I have three kids, and have been there. If you can not afford a sitter, ask your "date" if he knows anyone. Any man worth anything will understand. I've even had them offer to pay for the sitter to make things easy on me. Don't exchange sexual favors for such a "favor"! But, if someone who seems nice, and sincere offers....I would not say no. Do not act like a money grubber, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a man help.
Your daughter is there, and will always be there. Any man that you get involved with will have to realize this. Start out from the beginning with the truth and don't stray from it.
Also, don't be so desperate for a man that you compromise your daughter. She does not need to be exposed to every Tom, Dick or Harry that you date. Only allow the ones that might become serious to become a part of her life. Why confuse her? Especially if her own natural father is in the picture. It will only cause her to be confused, and him to be resentful! You could alienate her affections away from him which is not exactly legal or moral if it is done on purpose, or if there are so many men coming and going that it appears to damage your daughter emotionally.
Why give yourself unnecessary problems? If you are not able to secure a sitter, you might not need to be dating right now. Do you attend a church? Many times you can find people you can trust with your child in church.....or if you have family. Do you have any friends? If you do not have any friends, you might need to work on this more than working on looking for a man to have in your life.
Don't be in too much of a hurry to look for a man! You need to make sure that you are an interesting and a fulfilled person by yourself. You want a DECENT man to want you and your daughter. Not just any man. If you are not interesting and know who you are and what you want you are not going to find that decent man....or should I say, that he is not going to find you!!
Meeting online is a great way to meet men. But don't hurry the meeting in person!! This is the safest forum you could ever find to "screen" out the weasles and jerks!! If they want to push the issue, they might not be worth it!! There are thousands of men in the forums. There are matchmaker services, and dating services, and love@ just about everybody sites!! LOL (ie: email@example.com and firstname.lastname@example.org etc - which actually are the same place!! LOL)
Be picky. Take your time..... state out your values and needs and put in some profiles.... and deal with the perfect screening processes that these sites have in place..... You are worth it! Remember that! Hold out for a prince. Don't take the first frogs that hop in your lap!!
I hope this helped you some!
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