Anonymous asked this question on 7/11/2000:
Hello everybody! Hang with me here because i have a lot of questions. Let me explain my situation. My boyfriend left me,or actually kicked me and our daughter as well as my son out of his house, a few months ago. We met 2 in a half years ago and when i met him i was married. I had found out a few months before i met my ex-boyfriend that my husband had paid a call girl $ 250.00 to come into our home and strip for him. I was working 3rd shift and he was off work hurt so you can imagine how we struggled. Plus 2 months before this happened i had miscarried our baby. So i decided to leave my husband but he pleaded with me to stay with him through the holidays because i found this out in november. So i agreed. In december i met dwayne ,who later became my boyfriend and we had a daughter together, and in january i left my husband due to what happened previously and due to the fact that i fell in love with dwayne. As me and dwayne started talking and getting to know one another i found out i was pregnant by my husband. So i was honest with dwayne and told him. He proceded to tell me that it did not bother me that i was pregnant but as soon as i started showing he was gone. We got back together 6 months later. 4 months later i became pregnant with our daughter. So on through my pregnancy i went to the doctor alone,i took care of my son alone,i paid for everything as far as our dates went,we quit having sex,he started drinking really heavy and only coming to see me on saturday nights only,he was always off playing ball some where,basically i was alone through everything. After i had my daughter i moved in with him hoping to make a family with the kids and him. One day,after i had only been back to work 1 week from having our daughter, he calls and tells me that he dosen't wan't me to come back home and that he needs his space. In the mean time he get's a 1 bedroom apartment for himself while i'm trying to find a home for my kids. his reason for wanting to leave me is because i'm still married. Which i never told him i was divorced and the only reason i'm not divorced is because i feel that my husband made the mistake so why should i be the one to pay for the divorce. My question is should i pay for the divorce? Did dwayne have a good reason to leave me? Also he dosen't wan't to be with me but he still asks to borrow gas money and he still want's to sleep with me. Could he feel that he's made a mistake and realizes it or am i being used?? How could i tell if he loved me and if he still does?? Am i just being stupid?? Should i go on with my life with my kids and find someone new?? HELP HELP HELP PLEASE!!!!!!! i,M SO CONFUSED. IF THERE'S ANY MEN WHO COULD ALSO HELP ME FIGURE OUT THIS STUFF PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!
LadyMara gave this response on 7/12/2000:
I think you know the answer to your questions inside yourself already. We all make mistakes, and right here you have made several doozies!! You have children! For one thing you don't need to have any more right now. You can't very well take care of the ones that you have, right? So, having more would complicate things more. Financially and otherwise.
Are you being stupid? (smile) I hate to say this sweetheart, but you are. You need to get away from both of these men. Maybe take some time out and get your life together and then look adn see what sort of men you are choosing! Neither of them sound like real prizes. You have to remember that most men will take sex from you even if they don't like you!! Yes, you are allowing yourself to be used....
And what sorts of messages are you giving to your children??? They need to see you strong and capable and a focal point in their lives. Not frustrated and losing your marbles over a trail of men that don't seem to be worth it.... Women have to learn that even though having a good balanced nurturing relationship with someone is wonderful....having a horrible relationship...or a lot of horrible ones does nothing to help you or your children!
Why are you asking for some men to help you??? I think part of your problem is having men involved when you need to focus on your children and your life!! Work on making friends with people of both genders. Stop thinking of "men" in the relationship sense right now. When you least expect it, a good one will come along! But, there are soooo many frogs, you keep your head in the pond, and you will meet them all!! Back off a bit! Wait until the prince can find you!!
Good luck sweetheart and let me know if there is anything that I can do to help you....
I am not a guy, but I know where you are. I have had to deal with self esteem issues and I am divorced with children. Sometimes it seems hard...and you feel the urge to search for someone to share the burdens with.... DOn't make things worse!! I mean it. Don't make the same mistakes over and over!!
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