liquidfemale asked this question on 7/10/2000:
OK, I am a 23 year old female. I've been dating and such since at least age 16, lost my virginity at 19 but was sexual since 16. My male friend for about a decade now told me something recently that I really want to find out if he's right about. He has been right about me in the past so I'm taking it seriously. He told me that the guys I'm attracted to are a$$holes and I only go after them because I want to be challenged. He told me this after I was complaining to him about guys I've gone out with one night (really sensitive of me huh?) I don't have any interest in my friend, he's too much like a brother, but he seems so rare. He's smart, VERY attractive and super-nice. Not very social though, he reads a lot and likes to stay at home. I don't think he is attracted to me either.
Anyhow, I am attractive and tall and probably intimidating to some guys. So I was thinking that maybe confidence and a$$holes go hand in hand. I know it must take confidence to come up and talk to me so maybe it's not that I look for a$$holes. Maybe it's that only confident guys can approach me, and they are all a$$holes. What do you think about that?
Furthermore, my friend and I went in search of a "nice guy" one day. We went to talk to the bookworms at our college and the guys who sign up for community service and stuff. And I'll tell you a lot of them are just dorks. One of them kept writing all over himself because he was fidgiting with his pen and stuff.
SO, I want to know how guys grow up to be what they are. Why do some of them grow up to be confident and competent and charming but also untrustworthy and just mean. And a lot of the guys who grow up to be sensitive to people and might be trustworthy and such are just socially inept and sometimes smell. My friend says that it's partly the fault of the way women treat men and what they expect men to fulfill for them. Like strength and such. I'll admit that has to be somewhat true, but it can't be all.
So explain guys to me please, please, please.
Oh yeah, and don't try telling me I have self esteem problems. Those a$$holes go out as fast as they came in when they start showing their true colors and I'm a pretty happy person. I just would like to find someone who is: attractive, strong, trustworthy, nice, socially adept and smart. And I'd like to know why some of these seem to conradict each other.
Thanks in advance.
Lightworker1 gave this response on 7/10/2000:
I loved the last answer which is the only one I read regarding the Alpha male. This really was a great answer. (p.s. when asking personal questions always write to the expert privately) I have another take on this, I don't know maybe it's just my mood tonight, but here goes...
Cinderella, Wake up! There are no fairy tales, there are no knights going to ride up and save you from life's troubles. Life is full of trials which you are just going to have to face and one of those is dealing with the guys you have just spoken of. I doubt very much that you are going to find all the attributes you wish for in one guy at this age. In a few years, maybe. You are just asking for too much in one package. Yes, we've all settled. Hate to say this but if your libido is driving you to guy "A", then get what you need and get out of there. Then use your head and get an education behind you wherein you might, just might find a more mature guy who is almost exactly what you're looking for. With all you have going for you, at least you can choose. And don't forget if only the "alpha's" come to you, you can ask one of lesser confidence (not that that is a great trait either), perhaps you asking him will boost his confidence level. Eek! I'm afraid to look at this rating!
Much love, Mia
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