Anonymous asked this question on 7/9/2000:
Ok, I have a huge dilemma. I am just "dating" right now, but I am sort of involved with 3 guys. The one I have been dating for the last 2 months or so works the opposite shift of work as I do, so we barely see each other. And he could make more of an effort to see me, but it seems like he only calls me up to party, or hang out after going out to bars. I am 19...so I can't go out to most bars he goes to. It just seems like if he really wanted to see me, he'd spend more time with me and less time at the bars. But when we are together, he's one of the nicest most caring guys I have met and listens to everything I say. But once I start back to college in the fall, I will be too busy with school and work to be able to really see him at all...due to our schedule differences. That's the first guy.
The next one, I just met not too long ago at all. We have been out a couple of times, and he seems to like me and is willing to hang out and call me. He is a little shy, but that I can deal with. I guess I don't know a whole lot about him to make too much of a judgment yet. But he seems pretty cool. But he does have an ok work schedule, to where his job requires him to work at all different times, so I would be able to see him more.
The last guy, I dated a while back for a total of about 5 months. We started out great, but then things kinda just got to where I wanted someone different and needed more than he was willing to give me. So I broke up with him. Then, after a month or so, we started talking again, and things started off great. He called me whenever he could, made a serious effort to see me and was totally great. Then things started falling back into the way they were before, he'd rather be doing anything else it seemed like than see me. But he was also on second shift..and I was on first. So what little time he did have, he often seemed to want to spend with friends and family. But by this time, I was head over heels for him, and I told him I was upset and hurt. Well, he told me things wouldn't work out and we broke up again. I was heartbroken, and thought about him quite a bit, but I got over it. Now all the sudden, he wants to start seeing me again. We hung out and talked for the first time in months last night. Nothing happened, but he did make an effort to put his arms around me and all that. And he's acting the same way he was when he first wanted to get back together before. I honestly don't think I can handle being with him...and I don't know if the feelings are there or not, just because of all the hurt he caused me before. Not to mention, he is on first shift at work now, but he doesn't know for how much longer.
I feel totally guilty when I talk to any of the guys, because no one knows about anyone else. I feel like one of the talk show topics "I am caught in a love triangle", yet I honestly don't know if any of these guys are worth all my efforts, and wonder if I should just stop dating all of them...or tell all of them I want to see other people to get it out in the open. Please help, I need all the suggestions I can get!
Weddinggrrl gave this response on 7/10/2000:
What a mess! Well, it seems you have learned one great lesson: Make sure you let everyone involved know that you are dating others. If not to protect their feelings, to make sure you don't spend all this time feeling guilty! You shouldn't feel guilty about wanting play the field, date diffetent men to discover what you want- And don't want.
Guy #1 sounds like a waste of time. Not a good match as far as schedules, wants, and activities.
Guy #2 sounds like he's worth hanging on to!
Guy #3 sounds like a drama waiting to happen. I get the feeling he's only into you when he's lonely or when it's convenient for him. You don't want that.
So, If you really like #3, hang on to him but make it clear that you're only dating casually and you are seeing other people. I'd keep it up (casually) with #2 and see where it leads.
Remember, none of these experiences have to end in a long-term love affair or marriage! Just relax, take your time, and be sure that you're being fair to all involved... Including yourself! Good luck!
The average rating for this answer is