arsmith36 asked this question on 7/13/2000:
I am seeing a man who has a 7 year old daughter. I didn't think much of it, since I love kids, especially little girls. But his daughter is not too happy when I'm around. Also, he spoils her rotten, so when she does start pouting, he drops everything and tends to her . He admits he does spoil her, and that her behavior has been unacceptable the last time I was around. She was pouting, walking away, and being a general spoiled kid. I have a hard time with this behaviour, as I think strong parenting includes discipline and respect. So, I am not sure how to proceed with this. When it is just the 2 of us - it's great - he is so sweet, attentive, and just really great, and we have great chemistry. but I know that is not the entire package. Any advice for me? How should we as a couple proceed - we have talked about ways we can try to get through this time, and even went to the bookstore to try to find a book on it (no luck yet).
MarieMc gave this response on 7/13/2000:
Here is a little girl who has had her daddy all to herself for quite a while, and also is from a broken home to boot. If he spoils her, I don't think there is anything wrong with that, It is going to take her some time to get to know you and decide if she actually likes you as a person, right now she just sees you as the one who stole her daddy's attention from her, she's a kid. She needs to feel as important to her dad as she was before you came along, hopefully you're willing to let them have some time with just the two of them too. If it's too much for you, then leave while she is there, you can't be pushed in her face, this is a huge change for her, she's 7 I think you said? Give her some time to adjust, when she sees that you make her dad happy then she'll probably be more willing to share him, you can't fight for attention with a 7 year old, they always win:o) Maybe the 3 of you could sit down and talk with her, explain that you're seeing each other but that doesn't mean that her dad wants to spend time with you instead of her or loves her any less because you're in his life, you could be there too to reassure her, let her know she has a choice, if she needs some time alone with her dad, you're cool with that, but you'd like to be her friend too as well as her dads. This won't be easy, kids are tough especially at that age and introducing a new relatoinship, you're brave:o) I say make her feel as included as you can, keep trying, don't take anything personally that she says to you (insulting). Ask her about things that interest her, as tough as this is for you, it's got to be 10 times harder for her. Best to you, Marie
MarieMc gave this follow-up answer on 7/13/2000:
I wanted to add, I don't want to sound insensitive but when you said that she is spoiled rotten, and that you talked to him about spoiling her, I think you were out of line, he has to raise his daughter how he sees fit. It will only cause harder feelings if you try to step in there at this point, let him deal with her how he's always dealt with her, that's what she is used to, he is her father, if he thinks it's a problem and that it needs to change, then he'll take steps to do that, I hope this doesn't offend you but I really felt it needed to be said. Marie