Anonymous asked this question on 7/12/2000:
I dated this guy for a couple of months over the course of which I lost my virginity to him. before school ( college) got out for the summer I showed up and basically asked what the deal was. He seemed to be pretty honest and basically said he wasn't ready for a serious relationship because of his ex. and that He was going to europe. After the talk I spent the night and went to leave the next morning and he was like come here.. and we kissed. Since then we haven't talked because he refuses too. I also found out that after he got back from europe.. He had sex with his ex again, which he referred to as a whore.. and is going after his professor's daughter. I don't know why I can't seem to let go .. and don't really understand why he couldn't have just said "were done" and left it at that. Instead of hanging up the phone on me, when I call to talk. On top of which I feel stupid for falling for him because he seems like such a player and that I never meant anything to him.
ljack55 gave this response on 7/13/2000:
Don't feel like a fool. We have all been there before, including myself. But, in reality, the real fool is he because by what he is doing to you, the way he calls his ex a whore, and his other immature actions, he is setting himself up for failure. In time, he will have a reputation as an asshole and no one will want anything to do with him. Time will heal everything and I truly believe that what comes around, goes around.
You only like him because he has broken your heart and rejected you. But more importantly, he has taken your virginity and you probably feel like you wanted to give it up to someone who is more kind and loving, which he is not. I know it hurts now and there is nothing anyone can say or do to make you feel better. Only you can make yourself feel better. There is a bright side, you are no longer with him. He is not a good person and he has some major self esteem problems otherwise he wouldn't be calling his ex a whore. There are probably numerous other things wrong about him. You should be thankful that you only wasted a few months of your life with him. The fact that he was the one who took your virginity is really not that important. Look at it as if he did a favor for you. Your next boyfriend won't have to deal with the pressure the comes with taking someone's virginity.
You have to keep remembering that he is not the last guy you will date. I promise, you will have another boyfriend and when you do, you will totally forget about this jerk. In the meantime, don't beat up on yourself so much about this breakup. Instead, try to do things that make you feel good about yourself. You know, there was a time when you were happy BEFORE you met him. Try to get back to that time.
Lastly, I suggest picking up this read: “In the Meantime.” It's a great book. When this one guy I dated years ago broke up with me (and we dated for years), I took the suggestion of a friend and read “In the Meantime.” I thought I would never get over this guy or be happy again. Of course, that was ridiculous. Now, he is nothing to me and I think reading this book helped me get over him and feel better about myself a hell of a lot faster than if I had not read it. You won't be able to put it down. It's one of those books you will refer back to when you are not happy. Another good book is “Mars and Venus Starting Over.” It will help you understand the different stages you will go through during this breakup. Cheer up! Things always get better.