Anonymous asked this question on 5/5/2000:
I HAVE BEEN REALLY DEPRESSED FOR THE LAST WEEK. LAST FRIDAY MY HUSBAND BEAT ME UP, I HAD HIM ARRESTED AND MADE THEM KEEP HIM IN JAIL ALL WEEK END. THREE HOURS LATER CPS CAME AND REMOVED MY CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY SAY MY HOUSE WAS TO DIRTY. MY HUSBAND IS IN ANOTHER STATE RIGHT NOW AND HE HAS TO COME FOR HIS PUNISHMENT: HE IS FACING SIX MONTHS IN JAIL RIGHT NOW. HE IS GOING TO BE GOING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNSELING BECAUSE HE IS COURT ORDERED FROM THE JUVENILE COURT BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE WANTS TO FIND OUT WHY AND CHANGE THAT BEHAVIOR. HE REALLY WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK. WE WILL BE SEPERATED FOR AWHILE BUT WE DO PLAN ON GETTING BACK TOGETHER. MY DEPRESSION COMES FROM TWO THINGS. ONE MY HUSBAND ASSUALTING ME WHERE HE GAVE ME A BLACK EYE AND SWOLLEN JAWS. THE SECOND IS THE MATTER OF MY CHILDREN. I FEEL THAT NOT ONLY DID HE ABUSE ME BUT SO HAS THE STATE. ON MONDAY I HAVE TO GO TO MEDIATION WHERE I WILL ADMIT TO THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE JUST SO I CAN GET MY KIDS BACK SOON. I WAS SUICIDAL BUT I AM DOING BETTER NOW. I STILL GET REALLY DEPRESSED WHEN THE NIGHT TIME HITS. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR ME. NOT ONE PERSON EXCEPT MY HUSBAND ASKED ME HOW I AM HOLDING UP SINCE THIS ENTIRE THING STARTED. MY CHILDREN ARE IN A TEMP. SHELTER RIGHT NOW AND MY 13 YEAR OLD SAYS EVERY DAY SHE WANTS TO GO HOME. SHE EVEN HAD HER FRIEND CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT SHE IS SORRY AND SHE WANTS TO COME HOME. I ALSO HAVE A 3 YEAR OLD AND 14 MONTH OLD. I HAVE TOLD THESE PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE SERIOUSLY HARMING MY 13 YEAR OLD CHILD THE MOST BUT THEY SEEM NOT TO CARE. I WENT TO THE MALL TO WATCH HER PERFORM IN HER CONCERT AND ONE OF THE WORKERS MADE A STATEMENT SAYING YOU HAVE SUPERVISED VISITS AND I TOLD HER IT WAS NOT A VISIT IT WAS A CONCERT AND I TOLD TWO WORKERS AND NEITHER ONE SAID I COULD NOT GO. SO I WENT!! I ALSO BOUGHT HER LUNCH -:) MY HOUSE WAD DIRTY AND IM NOT A THREAT TO MY THREE CHILDREN SO I AM SO UPSET AND DEPRESSED. I WILL NOT SEE MY CHILDREN ON MOTHERS DAY. I WILL BE HERE ALONE. THAT WILL CAUSE SIGNIFICANT DEPRESSION. I NEED HELP AND NOBODY IN THIS SCREWED UP STATE SEEMS TO GIVE A DAMD ABOUT ME AND WHAT IM GOING THROUGH. I WOULD JUST LIKE TO HERE FROM SOME OF THE EXPERTS AS TO WHY A STATE SHOULD HAVE SO MUCH POWER WITH SOMEONES CHILDREN AND WHY IM STILL LIVING. I THINK MY HUSBAND TALKING TO ME AND MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN THE ONLY REASON WHY IM STILL ALIVE TO ASK THESE QUESTIONS.
Naomi8 gave this response on 5/11/2000:
You have asked some hard questions, and I'm sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Without going through the list and reading everybody else's answers, I will shoot straight from the hip.
First, committing suicide is NOT an option. You have three lovely children who need you more desperatley right now than ever before in their lives. If you take your life, what more will they have to hold on to?
Number two, I don't care what your husband is telling you right now, for your sake, and for the sake of your children, do not take your husband back. I know he is apologetic now, but that's now. Given the chance, the abuse will continue, and you and your children are going to continue to suffer.
Three, get yourself into counseling NOW, do not wait another day. It is the most important thing that you can do for yourself and children.
Four, Get your life on track. Get your act together, if for no one but for yourself. If you love your children, and want to get them back, then you need to start being honest with yourself. It is obvious that you have some very deep issues that you need to address right away.
Five, don't continue the dishonesty by lying to the court and couselors, they will see right through you. Admit your mistakes, and make a fresh start.
Six, the United States is just now getting to the place where they are making an effort to protect our kids. True, they don't always do it the right way, but, at least they are finally getting their heads out of the sand. It's true, they don't necessarily care how you feel about it, their first concern is the children. You must understand, an observence of abuse, is in and of itself, abuse. That is, the children are also suffering abuse from your husband. And you should know from personal experience that mental, physical, pschological, or any other kind of abuse, is going to affect your children's life for as long as they live. That's why the state stepped in to take the children out of their home.
Six, don't forget who beat who up and started this whole mess. He may appear to be supporting you and consoleling you now, but, unless you take the necessary steps to get your life on track, you will be experiencing the same thing over and over again. Is this what you want for you and your children?
I know, I've been there.
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