Anonymous asked this question on 5/5/2000:
I HAVE BEEN REALLY DEPRESSED FOR THE LAST WEEK. LAST FRIDAY MY HUSBAND BEAT ME UP, I HAD HIM ARRESTED AND MADE THEM KEEP HIM IN JAIL ALL WEEK END. THREE HOURS LATER CPS CAME AND REMOVED MY CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY SAY MY HOUSE WAS TO DIRTY. MY HUSBAND IS IN ANOTHER STATE RIGHT NOW AND HE HAS TO COME FOR HIS PUNISHMENT: HE IS FACING SIX MONTHS IN JAIL RIGHT NOW. HE IS GOING TO BE GOING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNSELING BECAUSE HE IS COURT ORDERED FROM THE JUVENILE COURT BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE WANTS TO FIND OUT WHY AND CHANGE THAT BEHAVIOR. HE REALLY WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK. WE WILL BE SEPERATED FOR AWHILE BUT WE DO PLAN ON GETTING BACK TOGETHER. MY DEPRESSION COMES FROM TWO THINGS. ONE MY HUSBAND ASSUALTING ME WHERE HE GAVE ME A BLACK EYE AND SWOLLEN JAWS. THE SECOND IS THE MATTER OF MY CHILDREN. I FEEL THAT NOT ONLY DID HE ABUSE ME BUT SO HAS THE STATE. ON MONDAY I HAVE TO GO TO MEDIATION WHERE I WILL ADMIT TO THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE JUST SO I CAN GET MY KIDS BACK SOON. I WAS SUICIDAL BUT I AM DOING BETTER NOW. I STILL GET REALLY DEPRESSED WHEN THE NIGHT TIME HITS. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR ME. NOT ONE PERSON EXCEPT MY HUSBAND ASKED ME HOW I AM HOLDING UP SINCE THIS ENTIRE THING STARTED. MY CHILDREN ARE IN A TEMP. SHELTER RIGHT NOW AND MY 13 YEAR OLD SAYS EVERY DAY SHE WANTS TO GO HOME. SHE EVEN HAD HER FRIEND CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT SHE IS SORRY AND SHE WANTS TO COME HOME. I ALSO HAVE A 3 YEAR OLD AND 14 MONTH OLD. I HAVE TOLD THESE PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE SERIOUSLY HARMING MY 13 YEAR OLD CHILD THE MOST BUT THEY SEEM NOT TO CARE. I WENT TO THE MALL TO WATCH HER PERFORM IN HER CONCERT AND ONE OF THE WORKERS MADE A STATEMENT SAYING YOU HAVE SUPERVISED VISITS AND I TOLD HER IT WAS NOT A VISIT IT WAS A CONCERT AND I TOLD TWO WORKERS AND NEITHER ONE SAID I COULD NOT GO. SO I WENT!! I ALSO BOUGHT HER LUNCH -:) MY HOUSE WAD DIRTY AND IM NOT A THREAT TO MY THREE CHILDREN SO I AM SO UPSET AND DEPRESSED. I WILL NOT SEE MY CHILDREN ON MOTHERS DAY. I WILL BE HERE ALONE. THAT WILL CAUSE SIGNIFICANT DEPRESSION. I NEED HELP AND NOBODY IN THIS SCREWED UP STATE SEEMS TO GIVE A DAMD ABOUT ME AND WHAT IM GOING THROUGH. I WOULD JUST LIKE TO HERE FROM SOME OF THE EXPERTS AS TO WHY A STATE SHOULD HAVE SO MUCH POWER WITH SOMEONES CHILDREN AND WHY IM STILL LIVING. I THINK MY HUSBAND TALKING TO ME AND MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN THE ONLY REASON WHY IM STILL ALIVE TO ASK THESE QUESTIONS.
wwnelsonfive11 gave this response on 5/7/2000:
I counsel in the area of abuse, most of which is in the area of sexual abuse. And, for many many years I have seen the abuse done by the CPS people. Now, I don't want to come out and say I am against CPS. The basic premise they operate under is a good one. To protect the child! Unfortunately, in their zealousness to do this, they often heap more abuse upon the already abused! There needs to be some serious reforms for CPS. However, lately those reforms are going the other way. They are getting more power and oversight. The other problem is with the juvenile court system. You as the mother are now considered guilty until proven innocent! You are now going to have to deal with that.
However, it sounds like you have some good kids. Worth going through whatever it takes to get them back, Right?! Then grit your teeth and do what you have to do! You arn't going to change the CPS, nor the court.
Now, you don't have to do this alone! The good news is that there are people ready to help you in this. Have you contacted your local hot-line? There are clinics that can help you. And, there are attorneys who specialize in this very area. There are ways to secure their help without incurring huge costs. Your local hot-line people can advise you in this. I would suggest that you follow through with this before you go to court.
And, by the way, you did the right thing in reporting the abuse! Many victims don't and nobody gets help. I'm glad that your husband is going to get help. Let me make one suggestion, however. Make sure that he completes his therapy before you let him come back into your household. It is possible for an abuser to fake recovery. Get to know his counselor, if you can, and, if you can, get involved with the counseling at some point. Suggest to his counselor that he be put into group therapy as well.
I would like to follow up with you if you'd like.
wwnelsonfive11 gave this follow-up answer on 5/7/2000:
By the way, so you can understand a bit where CPS is coming from: They see it this way: There are often an environmental problems that lead to sexual abuse and/or physical abuse within a family. They want to be assured that those things are taken care of before they allow the children to return to that environment. Just telling the court the things they want to hear can often backfire and cause further delays for the return of the children.
But, let me repeat, that you need to secure an attorney who knows how to deal with the courts and CPS. There are certainly many faults with this system, but the best way to deal with them is to have good help!
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 5/8/2000:
William, I am going to mediation in 6 hours to settle the petition so I can get my kids back. You are 150 % when you say CPS has to much power. I am on SSI and AFDC so I have a public defender and so far she seems to be good but tommorrow will be the deal breaker as to if I keep her or not. My husbands family is the one with all the money I come from an extremely poor family. If they agrre to return my children I am asking that they let me leave the state of Utah because I was going to before this all happened anyway. I want to go to Nevada where my eldest neice is. I do know that they can do an interstate compact where they can transfer my case. They keep on saying that it could take as long as a year and I told them if they drag their feet I will be calling the Governor. I have called him before on a totally seperate matter and he took immediate action not to mention that he is up for re - election and is behind in the poles right now!!! Utah even got rid of the foster care citizens review board which gave CPS totally control. Tommorrow at 12:30 I have an appointment with the DV shelter for orientation to get into their programs,support groups and stuff like self - esteem classes. I have a very busy day tommorrow but I cannot sleep for some reason.Hum I wonder why? LOL... Actually I am doing a lot better than I was doing when I posted this. Again thank you for your support.
wwnelsonfive11 gave this response on 5/8/2000:
By the time I write this, you will have been to court and have know the results. I would like to hear from you what happened.
I hope the news is good news. But if it isn't what you wanted, please know that it is rare that they will award the children back that quickly. It can, indead, take up to a year. However, you have got the right idea. Get into the programs and have success in them. That goes a long way in reducing the wait.
Please let me know what happened.
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 5/9/2000:
We went to mediation today. The prococutor was bending over backwards to settle the petition because he knew most of the stuff was lies. The CPS worker is the one that got upset by saying he did not want the petition so deluted that I "got away with everything" the end result was that they said that I have to get a theraputic recommendation from my therapist that its o.k. to return my children. basically that did not have anything else but a dirty house case and I had no problem agreeing to the services they wanted me to do because I have nothing to do this Summer anyway -:) I still have been VERY depressed today because I was hoping I would have a definate date of my childrens return. I go to pretrial May 22nd where we will inform the judge that we settled the petition. The CPS worker wanted to keep my kids six months to a year and I staright up said HELL NO and thats when we seperated and they came with this deal if I get a letter from my theripst I can get my kids back by her recommending to the court that they be returned.
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