Anonymous asked this question on 5/5/2000:
I HAVE BEEN REALLY DEPRESSED FOR THE LAST WEEK. LAST FRIDAY MY HUSBAND BEAT ME UP, I HAD HIM ARRESTED AND MADE THEM KEEP HIM IN JAIL ALL WEEK END. THREE HOURS LATER CPS CAME AND REMOVED MY CHILDREN BECAUSE THEY SAY MY HOUSE WAS TO DIRTY. MY HUSBAND IS IN ANOTHER STATE RIGHT NOW AND HE HAS TO COME FOR HIS PUNISHMENT: HE IS FACING SIX MONTHS IN JAIL RIGHT NOW. HE IS GOING TO BE GOING TO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE COUNSELING BECAUSE HE IS COURT ORDERED FROM THE JUVENILE COURT BUT ALSO BECAUSE HE WANTS TO FIND OUT WHY AND CHANGE THAT BEHAVIOR. HE REALLY WANTS HIS FAMILY BACK. WE WILL BE SEPERATED FOR AWHILE BUT WE DO PLAN ON GETTING BACK TOGETHER. MY DEPRESSION COMES FROM TWO THINGS. ONE MY HUSBAND ASSUALTING ME WHERE HE GAVE ME A BLACK EYE AND SWOLLEN JAWS. THE SECOND IS THE MATTER OF MY CHILDREN. I FEEL THAT NOT ONLY DID HE ABUSE ME BUT SO HAS THE STATE. ON MONDAY I HAVE TO GO TO MEDIATION WHERE I WILL ADMIT TO THINGS THAT ARE NOT TRUE JUST SO I CAN GET MY KIDS BACK SOON. I WAS SUICIDAL BUT I AM DOING BETTER NOW. I STILL GET REALLY DEPRESSED WHEN THE NIGHT TIME HITS. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT TO DO FOR ME. NOT ONE PERSON EXCEPT MY HUSBAND ASKED ME HOW I AM HOLDING UP SINCE THIS ENTIRE THING STARTED. MY CHILDREN ARE IN A TEMP. SHELTER RIGHT NOW AND MY 13 YEAR OLD SAYS EVERY DAY SHE WANTS TO GO HOME. SHE EVEN HAD HER FRIEND CALL ME AND TELL ME THAT SHE IS SORRY AND SHE WANTS TO COME HOME. I ALSO HAVE A 3 YEAR OLD AND 14 MONTH OLD. I HAVE TOLD THESE PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE SERIOUSLY HARMING MY 13 YEAR OLD CHILD THE MOST BUT THEY SEEM NOT TO CARE. I WENT TO THE MALL TO WATCH HER PERFORM IN HER CONCERT AND ONE OF THE WORKERS MADE A STATEMENT SAYING YOU HAVE SUPERVISED VISITS AND I TOLD HER IT WAS NOT A VISIT IT WAS A CONCERT AND I TOLD TWO WORKERS AND NEITHER ONE SAID I COULD NOT GO. SO I WENT!! I ALSO BOUGHT HER LUNCH -:) MY HOUSE WAD DIRTY AND IM NOT A THREAT TO MY THREE CHILDREN SO I AM SO UPSET AND DEPRESSED. I WILL NOT SEE MY CHILDREN ON MOTHERS DAY. I WILL BE HERE ALONE. THAT WILL CAUSE SIGNIFICANT DEPRESSION. I NEED HELP AND NOBODY IN THIS SCREWED UP STATE SEEMS TO GIVE A DAMD ABOUT ME AND WHAT IM GOING THROUGH. I WOULD JUST LIKE TO HERE FROM SOME OF THE EXPERTS AS TO WHY A STATE SHOULD HAVE SO MUCH POWER WITH SOMEONES CHILDREN AND WHY IM STILL LIVING. I THINK MY HUSBAND TALKING TO ME AND MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN THE ONLY REASON WHY IM STILL ALIVE TO ASK THESE QUESTIONS.
tcsmpsi gave this response on 5/5/2000:
Yours is indeed an abusive situation. As if it weren't enough in a family environment, the 'state' by way of CPS has victimized you and your family. Unfortuantely, this happens often. CPS is formed by individuals interpreting the rules and regulations by which they are guided. Have you contacted a domestic violence hotline or shelter in your area? In this state, it is required of law enforcement to advise the family of the area domestic violence assistance available. If they have not given you a way to contact them, their phone number should be listed in the phone book, usually in the front.
We deal with problems with CPS fairly regularly, and yes, it is excruciatingly heartbreaking sometimes. But, we continue to work on those problems.
Please, contact your area hotline and/or shelter. Don't go through this alone. It isn't necessary. There is help available from those who sincerely care about your family...and You.
If you can not find or if for some other reason, whatever it might be, you would like to talk, I would be more than glad to talk with you, but in a private forum.
Sincerely, Michael (tcsmpsi)
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 5/6/2000:
What has me so upset and maybe you can answer this for me is how can the state of Utah even validate that my children would be better off in a flippin shelter than at home where they belong? My 13 year old is going through hell as it is but they are victimizing her, too. she tells the EVERY DAY she wants to go home. She is a good girl and they keep saying desirae is taking on the mother role because her and my son are extremely close. I told them she is protecting him from them and last I checked close siblings are a GOOD thing!! On Monday I have to go to mediation and admit to things that are not true just so I get my children back. Its all crap. I do have two appointment for Domestic violence counseling. One at the DV shelter and one at Mental Health. I am doing things that I know they are going to ask for so I can LOOK like I am cooperating with them. As soon as I possibly can I am leaving this state and moving to Nevada with my neice. I am of the opoion that I should be getting help from CPS because I am a battered wife. They do not see it that way. In the end I know that the state pulled things out of their ass because they had absolutely NOTING on me except my house was dirty which was half my fault but that is all they have.
tcsmpsi gave this response on 5/7/2000:
Yes, I read some of the other answers to your question which told you to clean up your house. What they were failing to take into account, is that in a depressed environment, and in an abusive household, the 'will' is very bruised.
As I mentioned, CPS pretty much all over, has a standard procedure that if there is any question whatsoever of the children's welfare, then they pull the children. Now, who decides this??? The people working there. And unfortunately, they are not always trained properly in family violence. There's is not particularly tuned to the overall welfare. I am glad to hear that you are talking and working with a DV shelter. In know in ours, we work very hard at doing everything we can to help with CPS. I myself have been in 'across the table' meetings with them to try and establish workiing together with us. Oh, they seem very appreciative and willing at the table, but that's as far as it has gone really. For, 'on the street', we seldom if ever hear from them. Until it is in a case such as yours. And then it is indeed hell....for us and for you and for the children. But, we continue to work for better relationship with them and bring the problems to the state attentions. We try. Unfortunately, when CPS gets hold of something, they are pretty much given 'carte blanche' with what they do in the state's eyes. Damnit. Hang in there. I know it is hard as hell and very heartbreaking and very frustrating. And yes, also very victimizing.
I'll be here if you need to talk at anytime or about anything in this or related matters.
Anonymous asked this follow-up question on 5/8/2000:
Michael, thank you so much for your support. I am going to mediation in 7 hours and I am nervous. I am sure I will get my children back but like you said its hell. I do have GOD on my side!!
tcsmpsi gave this response on 5/8/2000:
My heart goes with you. Hang in there, keep going and it will work out. If you need to talk, I'll be here.
Always, Michael (tcsmpsi)
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