Anonymous asked this question on 5/1/2000:
I'm seven months pregnant and my boyfriend physically abuses me. he always thinks I'm cheating on him and he get very angry and won't isten to what I have to say and thats when the hitting begins,I want to leave but i think I have already given up. What can i do what do you suggest?
DoveWingsT gave this response on 5/4/2000:
Psychology of the Battered Woman Syndrome
FOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL STAGES OF THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME DENIAL The woman refuses to admit--even to herself--that she has been beaten or that there is a "problem" in her marriage. She may call each incident an "accident". She offers excuses for her husband's violence and each time firmly believes it will never happen again.
GUILT She now acknowledges there is a problem, but considers herself responsible for it. She "deserves" to be beaten, she feels, because she has defects in her character and is not living up to her husband's expectations.
ENLIGHTENMENT The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her husband's abusive treatment, recognizing that no one "deserves" to be beaten. She is still committed to her marriage, though, and stays with her husband, hoping they can work things out.
RESPONSIBILITY Accepting the fact that her husband will not, or can not, stop his violent behavior, the battered woman decides she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life.
DoveWingsT gave this follow-up answer on 5/4/2000:
If You Think You Are Being Abused.
Feeling sorry for your abuser doesn't change their behavior ... instead:
Learn to recognize the abuse, if it feels scary or controlling, it's abuse. Abuse can be emotional, verbal, sexual, mental or physical. Whatever form it takes, you do not deserve to be treated that way.
Decide what is best for you, set your own limits, stick to them and feel good about taking charge of your life.
Call a friend, family, or counselor you trust. You are not to blame for his behavior. The right person for you could be a friend, parent, school counselor or teacher, doctor, crisis line worker or staff person at a women's shelter. If you have told someone and that person wasn't helpful, keep trying until someone really listens to you.
Join a support group. You are not alone.
Silent Tears, Inc. Online Support Group http://www.silenttears.org
If you think your friend is abusing their partner.
Help your friend take responsibility for his behavior by naming abuse when you see it or hear about it. Jealousy and possessiveness are an early warning of abuse.
Talk about the consequences of violence. Abusive behavior builds fear, not love. Tell you friend that assault is against the law and he is committing a crime.
Challenge their stereotyping and put downs of others. Don't laugh at jokes or comments that make fun of anyone.
Encourage them to get help. Let them know it will probably happen again and may be worse the next time. Offer to go with your friend to get help. They can't solve this problem alone. Phone a crisis line or a victims shelter to find out about resources in your community.
For a listing of resources in your community. Please Contact Silent Tears, Inc. http://www.silenttears.org E-mail: SilentTearsInc@aol.com
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