Anonymous asked this question on 4/27/2000:
Can you tell me how I explain to my children that their dad did abuse me. When they refuse to see the bigger picture. She is 14 and wants to hide behind the fact that her daddy is perfect and could never do something like this to her mother.
KARENOFST gave this response on 4/27/2000:
DEAR ANONYMOUS, THIS IS A VERY DIFFICULT PROBLEM, ESPECIALLY IF YOU HAVE HIDDEN ALL THE PROBLEMS FROM YOUR CHILDREN UP UNTIL NOW. IF YOU HAVE SHELTERED THEM AND COVERED UP THE PROBLEMS, THEN THEY WILL PROBABLY CHOSE TO BELIEVE THE LIES THEIR FATHER WILL DEFINITELY MAKE UP TO COVER UP FOR HIMSELF RATHER THAN BELIEVE THE HORRIBLE TRUTHS. I KNOW THIS FOR FACT, BECAUSE MY TWIN SISTER AND I LIVED THROUGH A SIMILAR SITUATION WHEN OUR PARENTS DIVORCED. I AM AFRAID THAT YOU ARE IN FOR A VERY ROUGH ROAD. YOU ARE GOING TO NEED A LOT OF SUPPORT AND GUIDANCE. I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE COUNSELING OR HOW FAR THIS SITUATION HAS GONE, BUT YOU ARE DEFINTELY GETTING READY FOR WAR. MAY I SUGGEST ONE THING. I'M INVOLVED IN AN ONLINE SUPPORT GROUP CALLED SILENT TEARS, INC. WE HAVE OVER 800 MEMBERS ARE OUR PRESIDENT IS NAMED TIA AND HER EMAIL ADDRESS IS DOVEWINGST@aol.com. I REALLY DO THINK SHE COULD GIVE YOU EXCELLENT ADVICE, AND SHE IS TRULY AN ANGEL. SHE IS AN EXPERT IN THIS FIELD. SEND HER AN E-MAIL TELLING HER ABOUT THIS PROBLEM, AND SHE WILL NOT STEER YOU WRONG. SHE LOST ALL THREE OF HER CHILDREN AT ONE TIME BY FALSE ACCUSATIONS, AND SHE HAS BEEN TO HELL AND BACK. I WOULD TRUST HER WITH MY LIFE. CONSIDER LETTING US HELP YOU AND SUPPORT YOU. OUR MOTTO IS "YOU NEVER HAVE TO BE ALONE AGAIN." WE ARE LIKE FAMILY AT SILENT TEARS. PLEASE WRITE TIA AND I WILL TELL HER TO EXPECT A MESSAGE FROM YOU ASKING FOR GUIDANCE. FOURTEEN IS THE WORST AGE IN THE WORLD. BELIEVE ME, I CAME TO SILENT TEARS DUE TO THE PAIN OF A DAUGHTER. IT SAVED MY LIFE. GIVE US A CHANCE--WE CAN HELP AND IT IS ALL CONFIDENTIAL AND ANONYMOUS. WE TRULY CARE. GOOD LUCK, KARENOFST
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