Anonymous asked this question on 4/27/2000:
DEAR DOVE, IS IT POSSIBLE TO EVER GET OVER THE GRIEF OF LOSING ONE OF YOUR CHILDREN TO AND EXHUSBAND IN A DIVORCE OR CUSTODY BATTLE? I WAS DIVORCED FROM MY HUSBAND MANY YEARS AGO, BUT I AM STILL SUFFERING FROM THE PAIN CAUSED BECAUSE OF THE CHIDREN FROM THE MARRIAGE. I WAS EMOTIONALLY ABUSED IN THE MARRIAGE, BUT THE CHILDREN THINK MY EX WAS A SAINT. I HAVE TO DO WHAT IS BEST FOR THEM NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS. DOES THE PAIN EVER STOP, OR DOES IT GO WITH YOU TO THE GRAVE. A FRIEND FROM ST.
DoveWingsT gave this response on 4/27/2000:
Well, you definitely hit a core with that question. I will tell you that I don't think as a mother we ever get over the pain of loosing our children to our ex spouses during a divorce. I think that this is the case that we have to understand the children that are int he middle of divorce. As I personally have been asking myself this question. I have come to the conclusion that, we must open our wings and allow our children to make choices. How ever they make us feel. As a victim of past abuse, the hardest part will always be our children when they do not want to believe that one of their parents could have been so evil as to abuse their other parent. I think this is their minds way of protecting themselves from hurt, or anger. The feeling that if they do side with the parent that has been abused, will the other hate me comes in to mind. Will I loose my Mom or dad. And so much more in the case that the parent that was victimized by abuse is striving so much for that child's love. Children and yes even GROWN Children still sense this feeling. So much so they see one parent craving their love and attention is as if they know they have their love. But fear loosing the love of the non affectionate parent.
Loosing a Child to the other parent in my book rates pretty high in my grief book. It is a hurt heart that no one can seem to soothe as much as they want to. I do hope dear friend you know that you have friends that love and care for you. And you are not alone. Please feel free to E-mail me anytime at DoveWingsT@aol.com . I will always be here for you my dear friend.
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